I love my husband...he makes me laugh

Usually I wouldnt post about my hubby, or any specifics...but this weekend was just too funny not to share. Of course kids in the mix make things even more interesting but I think sometimes we forget why we started this journey in the first place...
So Friday night, it was a long, and miserable day on my side. Kids were good, but my stress levels were high, plus having GI pain didnt make it fun. So when I am upset or in a mood I just usually grunt or groan to questions asked...He has deemed me the HULK, my nickname is ASHELEY SMASH...reminds me of another nickname deemed in college...but I digress. So when I get in a 'mood' he now says ASHELEY SMASH, which takes my mind off of the situation and I laugh, cause it is funny.
Friday night however I was in another place, ASHELEY-LAND, you must visit. It is the best place, there are no worries, no bills, people are naked, there is no pain, suffering and oh of course it is on the beach. Now I had never really thought much about my delusional fantisies, when I say 'Lets just move and we will worry about work later..." He however has made my ASHELEY-LAND into a real place. I didnt think what it would look like or who would be allowed in...but definately my immediate family, S, T, T and O, of course my neruotic dog would have to be there. Other then that I have a few...prime spots for people, but they would have to be happy-go-lucky...and open to anything and everything. I never really thought about the clothes either, but naked is good. It leaves no room for fighting about what designer brand you are wearing that day...loin cloths and 'booby covers' as my kids would say could be optional. Awesome weather everyday, perfect temperature for watersports. Oh and education would be key, so I would need to find a teacher, open to teaching outside, and about nature, and life...and of course the other stuff. Anyway, I digress.
As he was going on, about he wishes he could visit ASHELEY-LAND, about how wonderful and worryfree it is there, I was laughing. I laughed so hard I thought that baby3 was going to make an apperance. He said to me, this isnt really that funny, why are you laughing. I suppose because no one has ever made my crazy little mind a reality before, or just his matter of fact attitude as he was talking about my 'world'.
Anyway, yesterday he got me going again. We had to do some house shopping, groceries and what not. We went to target and we needed toilet paper. Well the 18 pack was on sale so we bought 2. Oh and we have 12 rolls at home. So after we check out, he says we will just push the cart down to whole foods. I said we couldnt because there is a device that disables the cart once it is taken outside. He didnt believe me, but there is. At Target Annapolis, Md they're carts are equiped with some special locking mechanisim...he saw the sign, we were laughing the whole time, because after all it is just a shopping cart! So we grabbed our toilet paper, and walked through the door. There was a lonely cart that made it 5 feet from the door, he had to, couldnt just walk by it. He had to test it out. I told him I tried, I tried hard, like really carts dont have brains...but he pushed, and pushed and that cart wouldnt budge. Then he said, we could just wheelie it, that might work...LOL
OK, toilet paper. As we are walking, we pass lots of people, it is Sunday evening after all, and people are out because it is a beautiful day. He is carrying 2 large 18 packs of toilet paper. I suppose he noticed people looking at him, or something triggered this next comment. "Man do you think people think we poop(he said a different word) a lot in our house"..."I would think that, if someone bought all this toilet paper, I bet the lady at the check out said to herself, man these people 'poop' alot. Why do they need so much toilet paper"...I had to stop walking I was laughing so hard.
So thats it! We poop a lot. My daughter uses half a roll for pee, none for poop...my son, who knows he is in there a half hour or more, I just leave it alone. Hubby...well I dunno either. If you remember my first post Im in and out as quick as I can...so not too much toilet paper. But everyone poops. Everyone stinks and everyone needs toilet paper!

Guns...and other boy things

So a few weeks ago we were at target to pick up a few things. I remembered while we were there that my hubby's birthday was coming up soon and we should pick him up a card.
So there we stood, the 3 of us staring at the vast arrangement of birthday cards. Teighan is now reading so he could find the DADDY cards, and was looking through them. Takoda thinks she can read, and would bring me just any card and say this is the one. One was for Uncle, one was from the dog, and one was get well...so I let Teighan pick the card he read. Very simple one that said Happy Birthday to the Worlds Greatest Dad.
Takoda immediately threw a fit, "why cant I get him a card too?"
"Well you both can make something special from you to put with the card, ok?"
"Like what?", Teighan said
"Anything Daddy likes, you can draw him a picture or...(got cut off)
Teighan as loud as he could, MAKE HIM A GUN! Daddy likes guns, we could make him a gun.
"Or you could draw him a gun, I suppose"
No we will make him a gun, well, Im not sure really how to make him a gun, OH OH OH we can make him a sling shot.
Now Im thinking, are these people around me hearing this, will DFS becomeing to get me in a minute. Is it wrong to talk about guns? Wait did he say slingshot, how does he know about slingshots, does he know about the rubberband and 2 pencils...OH GOD.
Ok, well lets go.
So we leave target, get home and we are still on the gun and slingshot idea. Both kids go to their legos to start making guns, and they do, they make amazing gun prototypes with their legos.
Now Im not sure if I have mentioned this, but my son is the son of a cop, and so therefore he is obsessed with Cops, Firemen, military men all of that stuff. On the other hand he also really loves his comics, but most comic or super heros have a weapon.
You can not wear anything that resembles a weapon to schoool, you can not bring any toy that has a weapon or looks like a weapon to school, I wonder if he mentioned guns or slingshots at school if I would get a call home.
His 100day project(idea thought of with his Grandma) was 100 handcuffs safty pinned to his Dad's old Police work hat. To make handcuffs he put 2 key chain rings together. Looked pretty cool, but I did worry if he would get in trouble.(He didnt thank goodness)
He did take in a helicopter early in the school year, a helicopter. A transformer helicopter but we made sure the guns were off and it was in the helicopter mode not the robot or alien mode. It did have a trigger...I didnt think of this. When the trigger was pulled it made the blades on the helicopter go around. He DID get in trouble for this.
So how do you crush the dreams of a young boy, I just let him be. Look at what he brings into school, dont buy him superhero shirts unless they have NO WEAPONS on them and when we are at home, if he wants to play with the guns, or pretend to be a cop or robber...then I just let him be.
But do you remember the days of BIG DOG shirts or The 'Johnson' shirts...

Valentines Day 2012, girlfriends and babies...

So as my friends are getting roses, flowers, cards, gifts what have you, I am running around making sure my kids have their cards, gifts etc ready for their parties tomorrow. I am alos planning a nice dinner for the 12 hours that my husband will be home. Yes 12 hours, not 13 or 11 but 12 hours till the 24th...
So we woke up this morning, and the kids had a happy surprise of valentines, stickers and the cutest monkey I had ever seen. I had planned on getting up early to make heart shaped pancakes, but last night I had complany that wouldnt sleep in my bed.
I woke up at 12midnight to a child crying, then saying her leg hurt, most likely because she sleeps like a frog. So I said stretch your legs out. I feel back asleep until 2am...when she was head under the covers kicking the pillows awake. UGH! "Go to sleep now, or go back to your bed". 330am, child kicks all the covers off of me, I am freezing, she is sleeping, good. 420 am, she has moved so close to me I am almost falling off the bed, I push her over, 5am, I push her over, 630am(might as well get up, but Im exhausted) push her over. Finally 730 I pop up, frantic because we are usually up by 715 to get ready for school.
Go into Teighan's room, Im up mom, as his eyes are closed. Teighan get up your going to miss the bus, please get up! Ok mom, Im up...boy this sounds familiar(me). Meanwhile Takoda is up dressed and ready to take on the world(Hubby).
So we get up, make the bus, Success! Get her to school, Success! I had planned on volunteering today at T's school party, but wanted to catch a little nap before, but that got blasted out of the water by phone calls, and being a pregnant hungry woman.
SO at the party, one of the little girls in his class says "I like teighan", I want to call him "teigy"...ok. Then another little girl says to me, I konw where his ticklish spot is...are you Teighan's mom, wow, I want to sit by you. I like Teighan,(now these are from a few different girls, so excited). Teighan also says later in the car, "Mom I have 5 girlfriends, and C knows where my ticklish spot is...
Well where is it T(hoping its a decent answer), oh my neck mom, and its true, just like me he is super ticklish.
So we are working on our craft and one of the little girls has a new baby sister, and she brought in the picture, and I saw it and said how sweet she was. Then I said as I patted my medium size tummy, Teighan will have a new baby sister or brother soon. Oh lord, this opened a can of worms that I was not expecting...
One of the little boys said you have a baby in your belly? I say yes. Then the little girl asked me where babies come from, Oh god. The teacher has tuned out so I dont even have a back up, I say well...just as I was contemplating my words, the little boy sitting next to me says.
"well an egg grows in your belly, it just grows and grows and gets bigger"
I say 'Yep!!!"(thank goodness)
"Wait, another boy says, what about sunflower seeds? You need to eat a lot of sunflower seeds to have a baby grow in your belly"
Oh tbats good, Yes, lots of sunflower seeds.
"how does the baby come out?"
Uhhhhh....buzz, saved by the bell literaly!
Now see I am an honest person, sometimes too honest. I loved this conversation though. However with my own two, I explained it simply. Daddy and Mommy love each other and made a baby. They didnt ask any more and I didnt have to say any more. They feel baby kick, and see the pictures(sonograms) and are happy with what I have told them, but for next time, I will have to remember sunflower seeds and eggs!

Jane of all trades...plumbing

So I have tried my hand at a few handy-woman jobs. Since my hubby travels so much I have had to figure it out...how to weed whack the grass, paint the fence, unclog toilets, turn the water off so the toilets stop over flowing once clogged. I also managed to tile my bathroom, although not complete due to wet saw issues, but I have managed.

Last week my mom was visiting and had turned on the garbage disposal. It made a weird noise like crerereaknkkkk....I said it's. It working turn it off. So we turned it off and like so many other things I forgot about it till Saturday night when hubby was home and he turned it on and now it was just making an electrical humming noise. "why didnt you tell me about this?" oh I'm sorry hon, I completely forgot, which was true. Ok, so he got under the sink and pressed the reset button on the garbage disposal, about 10 times. Nothing happened. The water was backing up in the sink. Did I mention this is my kitchen sink?

Tuesday night 2315, hubby getting ready for bed and to leave on travel...sink has an inch of water in it, no biggie we try to fix it, he tells me don't put anything down it and it slowly drains. Today, it has 6 inches of water in it, and now the whole bottom of my dishwasher is full of smelly brown liquid...UGH!!!

So I put liquid plumber down the drain. This should work, nothing. Still each time I turn on the water the sink fills up quickly. So before dinner I see 3 inches in the sink, great. It is now 1845 Wednesday night. I have called my cousin who is a plumber hoping he would have some magic he could use over the phone, but he was busy. Call my dad he says plunge it. Duh, why didn't I think of this. So I do, ehhhh works for a few minutes. Call my bro in law, he can fix it sure. He tells me what to do, I take a picture and send it to him. Looks like cutting pipes and drains will fulfil my night. But it's 1845, I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, my kids are hungry and it's a school night. No worries, I say thank you, as he is a huge help but I'm not cutting pipe tonight, nor calling a plumber...I can do this. Me Jane. Me fix stuff.

So I leave it be, turn on the dishwasher to see if that helps, fix dinner and sit down. Only to find in the sink when I get up, lots of yuck, food, oily goop, and once again 4 inches of nasty water. So I plunge it, I plunge and plunge and plunge like I'm going to get a medal.

I do, I get the medal! The sink is draining. The dishwasher no longer has a bottom of yucky brown water and all is right with the world.

No cutting, snaking, or Spending unnecessary money tonight! When in doubt plunge the hell out of it! Although I am pretty sure I will do this again tomorrow or until it gets fixed...by a professional.

A shared Bathroom...

Why is my butt wet? Why are my feet wet? Why is the rug wet? I find myself asking these questions pretty regularly. Seat doesnt get put up for a boy=wet butt. Misses toilet alltogether=wet feet. Rug wet, well thats Koda waiting till the very last second to run to the bathroom....wait, wait MOM, Mommy...I had an accident...
Ugh Bathrooms. Why does it take men and boys so long in there? I mean who wants to sit and smell their doody after they duty is done? This isnt just the man and boy in my life, but all or lets say most men and boys I know.

Now, I peak in...just to make sure T has not fallen in, he is still breathing and not destroying the entire place and I notice him, well exploring. Do all men do this, does it start as boys? I mean maybe when you are naked, yes NAKED on the pot you have access to lots of things that are hidden when all the clothes are on. Thats what Im guessing, its like a magnifying glass...the opposite way. So I leave it alone, walk slowly back away from the door and hope that one day soon the time lessens to a reasonable tolerable limit.
I thought girls would be the ones occupying all the bathroom time, Im in, out and done with everything, shower, shave, toileting etc within 7-10min, less for the latter. My daughter in and out in less then 30 seconds, cant even slow down that much to pay attention to anything in the bathroom. She's like a constant whirlwind...from the moment she wakes to the minute she drifts she is running a race, busy like a butterfly. This I am ok with, Im sure one day she will find makeup and then this shared bathroom situation will become a real problem.
For now, I am used to(not liking it) toothpaste in the sink, on the sink, on the door, on the doorknob, on the floor...used to tripping over the stool, finding an unreasonable amount of toilet paper shoved into the toilet(at least they're wiping), and used to getting into a luke warm-cool shower after the kids are bathed, the laundry and dishwasher is run, and it is finally MOM's time to relax...
Shared Bathrooms...a wild adventure in a 4x6 room :)

Why do I feel something cold...in my warm bed?

I wanted to start this at the beginning of my pregnancy but as with all things I am just getting around to it. A few of my friends have recently started blogs, or recently published them and they get me in stitches so I thought I'd try myself. Not that I really have anything interesting to say but who knows, I might make someone laugh! They say laughter is the best medicine!
My husband works crazy hours, always going, going, gone. This morning nothing different, get the kiss around 0400, fall back asleep if I even woke up. A little while later as I am trying to get comfortable with this belly, and not being able to sleep on your back, I stretched my foot into something cold and clammy...I touched it again, with my foot...wondering what the he!! is this? "mom I had a bad dream...can I sleep here". As I pondered this question, I noticed all the lights were on, my door was open, I had no covers and the dog had once again snuck onto the bed. So hmmm, sure why not, I dont sleep well anyway, whats another reason not to.
When I woke 2 hours later for school, I looked at my bed, it looked like a tornado had hit us. The tornado of Teighan. I have no idea how he does it, but I tuck him in one way, check on him before I fall asleep, and he's another way, maybe wander in during one of my many trips to the bathroom, yet another way. His sister too, they are all over the bed, like they are fighting with the covers every night.
Recently someone asked us if our kids are sleeping through the night...boy I hope so at 6 and 4 1/2. He answers quickly first, YES! "So your going to start the whole not sleeping thing all over again when this baby arrives?" ...Uhhh, did I hear him right YES, they sleep through the night, where the he!! is he? Oh yeah forgot in a lovely hotel room. Not that I dont miss him I do, but at least he can get a good nights sleep...Me on the other hand, at least 5/7 nights a week, I wake up to lights on, kids crying, dog growling, baby kicking or some other reason just to start my day at 0330. So no they dont sleep through the night consecutively, but I suppose it could be worse. At least we start each night in the right beds, and I pray Please God dont let them wake up, have a bad dream, wet the bed, or come into my room...I need some sleep!
Did I mention we own a queen? Not a king, so on any given night there is a good chance you will find a dog, 2 children, one very uncomfortable mama...Waiting for the night its just us...but that is probably what got us here in the first place. :)