Today is the day she starts kindergarten. I prayed for this day all week. All summer it seems like. Since I was pregnant and then since Tate came home. I prayed for summer to be over for it to be just us, but now tomorrow is finally here and I am rushing them off and I want to hit the pause and rewind button. I am not ok tonight, thus why I am still awake at 1am.
I remember the moment I knew I was pregnant again...I was crying at my cousins wedding(cousin in law) crying uncontrobably in the bathroom after hearing her father daughter song... I couldn't get enough of Aunt Pats macaroni salad. We went to target a few days later and I snuck a test in the cart. He said really, I said yes really. Sure enough it was + positive!! His comment was the exact same as when we found out with Teighan, are you sure, you should take another. With Teighan I had taken like 20 before I decided that it was true...I was in denial. Anyway I was pregnant and my first little baby boy was only 9 months old. Ok life changes fast. Ultrasound at 18 weeks we along with Teighan see we are having a girl. I looked at his face, he was clearly in shock. Teighan had no clue, and neither did Sean that she was going to change our world. Or should I say rock our world.
She came into the world March 12, 2007 at 1415. She has forever changed me.
She is my whirlwind. She is my Roller coaster ride, my radio, my barefoot hippie, my sweet peach and dazzling diva, she will be the reason I drink(water) when she is 15-momhood. I pray every day that we can get along better then my mom and I do, and she still drives me crazy daily. But I love her totally and madly.
She gets on the bus tomorrow to start her school career which if I had more patience I would keep them both home and travel and teach. If I could find it in me to do all the things I want to do, I'd be a better mom but for today for now I am aware that I love her more then I realize and that tomorrow my baby girl is getting on a bus to go to kindergarten.
I know she is in good hands because Teighan also had this teacher and I know she will do well. Will she make it all day without me? Will she learn to read and write better? Will she come home missing me as much as I'm going to miss her? If I cry she cries, I can't cry tomorrow or she will. I will have to be strong for the both of us. For 5 years she was my baby and each night I went into her room(still do) and picked her up and rocked her. Apologizing for the day we may have had and enjoying the sweetness of silence, her peaceful sleeping beauty.
I take for granted the extremely loud, and always busy little girl I have. She embraces everything with so much energy and love so different from her brother. She is bubbly, and full of life and energy from the moment she wakes to the second she drifts off to sleep, and each day I pray for that sleep, not realizing that I truly enjoy her. I love watching her watch anything how she lights up. How she loves her brother, both brothers so much. She'd do anything you ask if you ask nicely, but if you are mean she shuts down completely. She is mine all mine and I'm gonna miss her.
August 31, 2012 Takoda starts kindergarten. She rides a bus for the first time, has lunch and recess has different classes like PE and art. She is so excited, and I just want to hit pause, for one more day...seems like just yesterday she was singing the "I want my boppy song" and now well now I wish I could have bottled so much of that little girl up. 5 is too close to 10 which is too close to 20 and makes me too close to old...and I'm not ready for that. The old part is fine, it's the grown up kids that is not.
I could be like the duggars, they're not crazy, they just love their children.
Here's to a successful first day for Takoda, and a tearless first day for me. Yes I will have Tate :) but each time it's different. Each one is special. She told me tonight that she doesn't want this one to be a girl. I said this one what? A baby! I am the only girl and I am special, I want to stay special cause I'm your baby girl.
Dear sweet peach of mine. You are my one and only girl. And you are my one and only you. Even if god blesses us with another girl she will not be you. You are more special then you will ever know and nothing will ever change that. I love you so very much. Don't you ever change who you are, your spirit helps me to love you even more. You are my tornado and I am so blessed to have one daily!
