This past December my family and I traveled to Hawaii. Our (now) yearly routine. While we were there my MIL introduced me to (what I thought to be new friends). We hung out for the whole time we were both there. Running into each other at the bars, or pools, or kid events. It was awesome. To have another couple similar in age to you, to hang out with. The kids loved each other and it was AWESOME!
We exchanged emails, and phone numbers. Little did I know I was sitting with royalty. Canadian royalty at best...no need to name names but apparently the class I'm in(middle...or barely) don't rub noses long with the upper class...or the elite. The ones who dine with Oprah and Sara McLachlan and such...
SO. during this I mentioned I had a blog. This 'friend' read it and gave me her critiques. Many critiques, even one mentioning 'you don't know until you walk in my shoes...'(ha! walk in my shoes, where I push 2 pennies trying to make 500, and my kids dont see their dad for weeks...)
So I stopped. I stopped blogging, due to the words 'wow you really put yourself out there, its really vivid'. Then it came. The big one. I don't know why a stranger could hurt me soooo, suppose since I'm really alone on my voyage(minus my kids and my hubby) I don't have friends calling me, asking me how IM doing...or to go out or have dinner. Shit I'm lucky if I get an actual phone call for my birthday other then immediate family(I'm including MacD and Woelm family)
So I got this email. Stating she was too busy to keep in touch with me. Her husband a multi-millionaire++ I'm sure and her a published interior designer, meeting with Oprah and the likes...of course I was barking up the wrong tree. So she was too busy.(everyone says this these days, are we really too busy, or just too self absorbed? cause I find time to email or fb or text or shit even sometimes call when I can...especially if I know someone is in need)
I sent a few emails back, about Tate, since really the attraction was my children and not me. Trust me. I know. It's my kids. they're cute. and fun. and NOT me. But never heard a word back.
But it hurt. BAD. Because I felt like I had made a friend, which for me(sob sob) doesn't happen often...or something I do sends them running. So I turned to the only person I knew to be honest. My husband and he told me I was overzealous and some other things. Then I asked my mom. She wasn't much more help.
SO I let it fester and build. and I hurt. For a long time. It hurt. each call not answered and each invite ignored or not sent.
But, now I'm back. I have stuff to say, and if I only have 4 followers or 4 million(HAHA) I cant keep it all inside.
My husband is gone next month 25 days. out of 31, meaning he is home for 6 which only 4 he is actually off...well that might have just changed, since his schedule changes like the wind. Army wives we are very similar, yet very different. Deployments. This is 6 years starting August(and i keep wishing I would know the end). 6 years he has been in and out like the wind. Leaving me to pick up all the pieces and put them back together each time he leaves. Only envy I have of you is that yours is consistent. Mine changes daily/weekly and he is home and gone the next day. I am no way saying I am better. I just wish I had the camaraderie that the military has. The understanding. The compassion. My FLEO works. A lot. I am ALONE. A LOT. maybe its my choice, but I have mentioned Id love to play softball even if I have to drive, or I have kids. Id love to be invited to the dinner, or outing...but I wait. My inbox full of spam and my phone full of(do not call) callers...
So I am blogging again. For my own sanity. For my dignity. For myself. Nothing I write is poetic or amazing, its just me. Getting out my thoughts like therapy.
