It is 1213 or 0013. I am still up while everyone else is sleeping. Sean has been sleeping getting ready for his big race tomorrow. Marine Corps Marathon, 26.2 miles!
I think I am not sleeping because I am worried. Just like a wife to do. Worry. I know that he has trained, but has he trained enough, and has he ran long enough, and will he get enough sleep, good sleep(since he is sleeping in a hotel), will he be hungry, will he be ready, will he finish...of course the answer to all of these are yes. I'm sure he will and has done everything he needed to do to be ready, I just cant imagine it.
I do not like to run. I don't find the enjoyment out of it. My bones hurt, and my feet ache and a few years ago when I was kinda getting into running, I messed up my Achilles tendon...and never been the same since. The doc did say this about Achilles injuries, that sometimes your ankle is never the same.
As walking through the expo today, getting Sean's swag I was thinking to myself how cool it all was. I was amazed at how many people were there and all so fit and most is super shape. I began to think that this running expo is just like a concert venue...for healthy people. Although I know healthy people enjoy concerts just as much as anyone.
As we were leaving the kids were really getting cranky because they were hungry, so we stopped at the super healthy food vendor...and got chicken fingers, french fries and nachos. Tate was now getting really fussy as he was hungry too. We decided to start on our way out.
Takoda eats like me, slow. So her nachos were full and so was her cheese. She is also super clumsy, so Sean decided to carry her nachos, since she would most likely drop them.
Nope. He did. He was holding them in his hand and it was like someone threw something at him, this is how the nacho tray flipped around and cheese got everywhere, and even though I was so tired, hungry and now frustrated since Tate wasn't cooperating...it was funny. It was actually hilarious since we just told Koda that we had to hold her nachos since she would spill them.
Anyway, after deciding that I should hold Teighans food and mine and juggling the baby, and the crowd of people. Dodging more vendors, and runners, participants and cars. We finally got to our car, and sat down on the grass behind the car.
At this point I had to go to the bathroom. Tate crying, kids eating, Sean I'm sure hungry too, and a very angry Ohanzee in the car. I ran down the hill to to portajohn. Yelled back to Sean, "My Marathon is everyday!"
I run everywhere, and all the time. I am running to the bathroom. I run to the bus stop, I run to the car, and then back in the house because I forgot my brain. I run to the store, and back. I run to the gym, and ride the bike while I'm there. I run to karate, and field hockey, and lacrosse. I run everywhere.
My Marathon is everyday, I run laps around 26.2, just in a different way. A different kind of running. I give mad props to those who can, I can't so I support all of you, especially my best friend, my wonderful husband and father to our incredible 3 children.
Raised by an Army man. Became an Army Brat, and have much respect for all branches of the military.
Good Luck to all you MCM participants, Frankenstorm...go ahead give us your best shot! We got this!
HOORAH!
my sweet peach
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Shoes.
Shoes are a necessary part of our wardrobe. I always find myself looking at other peoples shoes. Sometimes wondering why the personal trainer at the gym who I know has a huge following and group workouts insists on wearing beat up old hole-y tennis shoes while doing his work out. I also wonder why the mom wore platform pumps to a school movie night but life goes on. She can rock them, I can not.
Sean got his super-fancy-handmade-especially-for-each-foot boots last Friday. He was not home to get them. He left that morning and they came late in the afternoon. When he called, he asked, "did my package get there yet?" "Yes honey, they did". He got home tonight. After surprising me with flowers, that were originally given to his boss and she said she didn't want them and for him to give them to me...and helping me get the baby down he came downstairs and found his boots.
Now let me give you a little history about these boots first.
Last year when we went to the Renn Fest he decided to go into the booth, a little before closing. We were a little beyond sober...Oh wait. I was preggo...so I wasn't drunk, I was exhausted, but maybe making poor judgement calls anyway.
Now we spent a good long time in this booth talking to the leathermen, he tried on a couple different pair and looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes, 'PpppPPlease". "Ok, honey, if you really want them." He had been talking about them for a very long time, trying on a pair at the first or second fest we ever went to. So He got his legs taped up, measured, it took an hour. At least. Tnt were running around, and I was exhausted and it was HOT, and HUMID, but mostly HOT!
So we finished the taping, and measuring and talking and trying on and they said they boots would be ready in a year.
WHAT? wait, WHAT, did you just say a year? Are you grooming the cow special for these boots. Wait that was messed up, but really...
OK, so we gave our deposit, and waited. He got emails, and emailed back, and sent more money, and waited, and waited, and occasionally would remind me of theseshoes boots that were coming.
So last week he got an email saying the boots were almost done and would be here next week. They came last Friday.
He has them on. They are pretty cool, but ugly...kinda like uggs. Have a bunch of fur in the inside, seem pretty comfy, he will wear them everywhere just like he wears his 5 finger toe shoes.
So I said I want a pair of Jimmy Choos(just cause of the cost and time...), but then decided against that onto a pair of Christian Louboutin, the ones with the red soles...I found the perfect pair, I could wear in bed...cause there is no way I could ever walk in them, probably would break my ankle and back even trying.
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Sean got his super-fancy-handmade-especially-for-each-foot boots last Friday. He was not home to get them. He left that morning and they came late in the afternoon. When he called, he asked, "did my package get there yet?" "Yes honey, they did". He got home tonight. After surprising me with flowers, that were originally given to his boss and she said she didn't want them and for him to give them to me...and helping me get the baby down he came downstairs and found his boots.
Now let me give you a little history about these boots first.
Last year when we went to the Renn Fest he decided to go into the booth, a little before closing. We were a little beyond sober...Oh wait. I was preggo...so I wasn't drunk, I was exhausted, but maybe making poor judgement calls anyway.
Now we spent a good long time in this booth talking to the leathermen, he tried on a couple different pair and looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes, 'PpppPPlease". "Ok, honey, if you really want them." He had been talking about them for a very long time, trying on a pair at the first or second fest we ever went to. So He got his legs taped up, measured, it took an hour. At least. Tnt were running around, and I was exhausted and it was HOT, and HUMID, but mostly HOT!
So we finished the taping, and measuring and talking and trying on and they said they boots would be ready in a year.
WHAT? wait, WHAT, did you just say a year? Are you grooming the cow special for these boots. Wait that was messed up, but really...
OK, so we gave our deposit, and waited. He got emails, and emailed back, and sent more money, and waited, and waited, and occasionally would remind me of these
So last week he got an email saying the boots were almost done and would be here next week. They came last Friday.
He has them on. They are pretty cool, but ugly...kinda like uggs. Have a bunch of fur in the inside, seem pretty comfy, he will wear them everywhere just like he wears his 5 finger toe shoes.
So I said I want a pair of Jimmy Choos(just cause of the cost and time...), but then decided against that onto a pair of Christian Louboutin, the ones with the red soles...I found the perfect pair, I could wear in bed...cause there is no way I could ever walk in them, probably would break my ankle and back even trying.
C'mon, theyre hot right..??
I prefer these though...
much more my style, if I gotta pick some shoes :)
Other wise Ill choose bare feet or flip flops!
This is hard and thats ok!
So this is hard. This is so hard. SOOOOOO hard.
and...that is ok. Its ok that it is hard.
I don't admit that this is hard. Being a parent, basically a single parent a good 85% of the year is hard. Even being a parent with a spouse that is home every night is hard.
Parenting is hard.
If anyone ever tells you differently laugh at them. They are lying.
They can say, its rewarding, fun, adventurous, but they can not say it is easy. Even today on Ellen, I love Ellen by the way I may have mentioned that before. Anyway on Ellen Jennifer Garner was on, and said something about her youngest, and now that she has 3 she forgets things. I didn't catch it all, but it was her way of saying parenting is hard, even for her who has the means to have all the help she needs.
Its hard in a way that is challenging. Every day something different. A challenge to overcome and another hill to climb. The reward, hugs and kisses, and unconditional love and if you let yourself praise. Praise for getting through another day of 100,000 questions without knowing all the answers. The best part is tomorrow will be here before you know it and there is another hill to the journey, never a flat road, always a bump along the way.
I am a stay at home mom. I am a stay at home mom of 3. My first 2 are 17 months apart. My husband took this job when my Koda who is my middle child was 5months old. It was all in. No gradual step into a travelling job, it was right away. Thursday-Monday, Wednesday to Wednesday. 10 days, 14 days. I think so far our longest trip still is 18days. Which is a long trip don't get me wrong, but I know it cant compare to spouses of deployed men and women.
I have found strengths and courage I never knew I had. I have become more independent and this job has helped me grow in ways I never knew I could. Still some days I have to allow myself to admit this is hard. It is hard to solo parent, to get 3 kids up, to feed them, help them grow, bathe them, get them all back to bed, and at the end of the day just when Ineed want someone to talk to, there isn't anyone. So it is hard.
I am doing a good job. I am doing the best job with my situation. Not that it is a bad situation, it is just a difficult situation. Because not only am I alone, and lonely like I posted before, and my kids desperately missing their dad, but I miss my best friend. I miss my best friend and my lover.
I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Its only about keep on moving, or keep on truckin...
and...that is ok. Its ok that it is hard.
I don't admit that this is hard. Being a parent, basically a single parent a good 85% of the year is hard. Even being a parent with a spouse that is home every night is hard.
Parenting is hard.
If anyone ever tells you differently laugh at them. They are lying.
They can say, its rewarding, fun, adventurous, but they can not say it is easy. Even today on Ellen, I love Ellen by the way I may have mentioned that before. Anyway on Ellen Jennifer Garner was on, and said something about her youngest, and now that she has 3 she forgets things. I didn't catch it all, but it was her way of saying parenting is hard, even for her who has the means to have all the help she needs.
Its hard in a way that is challenging. Every day something different. A challenge to overcome and another hill to climb. The reward, hugs and kisses, and unconditional love and if you let yourself praise. Praise for getting through another day of 100,000 questions without knowing all the answers. The best part is tomorrow will be here before you know it and there is another hill to the journey, never a flat road, always a bump along the way.
I am a stay at home mom. I am a stay at home mom of 3. My first 2 are 17 months apart. My husband took this job when my Koda who is my middle child was 5months old. It was all in. No gradual step into a travelling job, it was right away. Thursday-Monday, Wednesday to Wednesday. 10 days, 14 days. I think so far our longest trip still is 18days. Which is a long trip don't get me wrong, but I know it cant compare to spouses of deployed men and women.
I have found strengths and courage I never knew I had. I have become more independent and this job has helped me grow in ways I never knew I could. Still some days I have to allow myself to admit this is hard. It is hard to solo parent, to get 3 kids up, to feed them, help them grow, bathe them, get them all back to bed, and at the end of the day just when I
I am doing a good job. I am doing the best job with my situation. Not that it is a bad situation, it is just a difficult situation. Because not only am I alone, and lonely like I posted before, and my kids desperately missing their dad, but I miss my best friend. I miss my best friend and my lover.
I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Its only about keep on moving, or keep on truckin...
Monday, September 24, 2012
31 party...
How is it I am 33 and have no lady friends? I mean I have friends, when I go to karate, and I have friends when I go to dance(whom I miss) and I have friends from SABB, but I don't have lady friends. None that I see regularly, go for a walk, a talk or a coffee? All my friends from high school, college or the sorority are still as close as grass in a field yet I feel as if I have been forgotten.
At least this is the way I feel. Numerous times I have mentioned that I wish I could come and 'play'. Have a girls night, or just be invited. Just being invited would make me feel so special. Maybe its time to move on. We all clearly have nothing in common anymore. I am married with children, and a husband who is never home. My idea of fun is now, quiet time without kids running around, but I long for adult interaction.
I. am. lonely.
There. I said it. I'm going to publish it too. I miss SABB preschool because no matter how tired I was, I looked forward to seeing my 'friends'. Really my children's friends parents that for a few minutes I got to be an adult and have adult conversation about something other then, whats for dinner, or can we play, or watch TV, or mommy, mommy...
I joined the 90 day fitness challenge at the gym. It is not helping. I feel guilty if I don't make it 3 days a week, due to life. I suppose this shows because I am still lonely. I have not really made a connection. I have met and talked with a few people, but I don't think they really want to hear that I am lonely. Or that my husband is away, cause I know, we all have our own baggage, don't want to hear about someone elses problems.
I long for friends, for someone to talk to, to call me and ask me to go fortea, or coffee, a beer!
My phone never rings. When it does it is a handful of people or less. Usually it is my mom. But with my dad undergoing chemo, she doesn't call that much. We have great conversations through text, but not actually voice communication. So It could be my mom, Sean, or Katie. Sometime S(CIL), or rarely S(SIL) and even more infrequent my MIL.
I don't really know why we have a land line. I suppose in case of those locked in the kids room emergencies, but then it would be good to actually have a phone in their room.
I live through facebook(I know its sad). I am happy that I have a lot of friends, acquaintances on fb. We are friends through a computer. Never having to look at each other or talk with each other. It keeps me sane. I look forward to seeing what people are up to, it makes me happy to see everyone else having such a wonderful time. It does make me sad when I see all my friends gathered at one place having fun and I wasn't even invited...but I move on. Mention again, I would have come out to that new chic flick if you said you all were going...
Should I invite myself...thats just too desperate...
I actually would use the term friends rather loosely. Not saying I don't think of all of them as friends, but I'm not sure they think of me the same way anymore.
Today in the ladies locker room a woman was talking about 2 women who were talking about her friend. She told them(in her story) to stop talking about her that way, she is my friend and that is mean. I don't know that I have ever said that when in the middle of friends talking about another friend. I don't even know if someone would do that for me. I suppose I don't speak my mind ever. I am always so worried about hurting some one's feelings. Mine are at the expense of others. I get hurt. I cry. I stay at home and wish the phone would ring.
I am the woman standing alone wishing someone would invite her along. It took me almost 3 years to cultivate a friendship with a woman whom I dearly love now, at preschool. Is it fear? Fear of being rejected at an older age, cause HS sucked! SUCKED!!! College wasn't too much better, I am grateful for my friends who helped me get through.
There are a few of you I hold very close to my heart...but I'm sure you don't even know. J-you probably wont read this, but it was because of you I got through a lot of tough times in college. L-you are still my freaky tiki even though we never talk or see each other. I have had some of the best times with you, with all of you guys. K-My bestest. Even though you have a handful or 5 handful's of friends and make new ones everywhere you go, I love you. I am so happy we can just totally be truly ourselves with each other. I love how you can tell me exactly how you feel and vice versa, and when its all over we are still friends. Not mad or hurt, just friends, AK couldn't be further. S-you are my oldest. We have been through the most bumpy of roads together and I miss you. Wish I could be more honest with you but I'm afraid of history repeating itself.
I dunno. I have asked this before, if there was something wrong with me, would you tell me? I know I yell at my kids, and probably have in public. It happens, get over it. I know most of the time I am dressed very casual, never matching. I don't have a job other then keep these kids happy, so I don't need to dress to impress...I usually shower so I don't stink, and I always brush my teeth. But would you really tell me, tell me why? Is it cause I'm lonely, and alone? I would get a sitter, I have one now, and we could go out, and I could listen. Is it cause I'm a mom and you are not? Is it cause I will want to do it again next week, or make a weekly or monthly date? Is it cause he is always on the road? Your hubby is home so you have daily adult interaction. Gotta have girlfriends for when the going gets tough! I don't have a sister, or any family so friends are what I need to count on. What we all need!
SO what gives? I was asked by an old sorority sister of mine if I wanted to host a 31 party. Actually I do. I actually want to host a 'slumber party' since I have never been to one of 'those' parties and was always curious...but who would I invite? Would anyone even come?
You know what I am scared of the most. Is history repeating itself. My mom, love her, but she has no friends. She never seemed to have friends when I was little(at least thats what I saw) and now that I am older I know she doesn't have many friends. She says she is fine, and maybe she is but I am not. I do not want to be like her and I dont want my daughter to be like me. I didnt have many girlfriends ever and I want her to have an abundance of friends, I want her to have to tell people no I cant come to your party cause I have 6 others to go to, instead of longing for that one invitation.
Life gets us too busy. We forget in the hustle and bustle. I wish I could forget, but I wait, hoping that the phone will ring tonight.
At least this is the way I feel. Numerous times I have mentioned that I wish I could come and 'play'. Have a girls night, or just be invited. Just being invited would make me feel so special. Maybe its time to move on. We all clearly have nothing in common anymore. I am married with children, and a husband who is never home. My idea of fun is now, quiet time without kids running around, but I long for adult interaction.
I. am. lonely.
There. I said it. I'm going to publish it too. I miss SABB preschool because no matter how tired I was, I looked forward to seeing my 'friends'. Really my children's friends parents that for a few minutes I got to be an adult and have adult conversation about something other then, whats for dinner, or can we play, or watch TV, or mommy, mommy...
I joined the 90 day fitness challenge at the gym. It is not helping. I feel guilty if I don't make it 3 days a week, due to life. I suppose this shows because I am still lonely. I have not really made a connection. I have met and talked with a few people, but I don't think they really want to hear that I am lonely. Or that my husband is away, cause I know, we all have our own baggage, don't want to hear about someone elses problems.
I long for friends, for someone to talk to, to call me and ask me to go for
My phone never rings. When it does it is a handful of people or less. Usually it is my mom. But with my dad undergoing chemo, she doesn't call that much. We have great conversations through text, but not actually voice communication. So It could be my mom, Sean, or Katie. Sometime S(CIL), or rarely S(SIL) and even more infrequent my MIL.
I don't really know why we have a land line. I suppose in case of those locked in the kids room emergencies, but then it would be good to actually have a phone in their room.
I live through facebook(I know its sad). I am happy that I have a lot of friends, acquaintances on fb. We are friends through a computer. Never having to look at each other or talk with each other. It keeps me sane. I look forward to seeing what people are up to, it makes me happy to see everyone else having such a wonderful time. It does make me sad when I see all my friends gathered at one place having fun and I wasn't even invited...but I move on. Mention again, I would have come out to that new chic flick if you said you all were going...
Should I invite myself...thats just too desperate...
I actually would use the term friends rather loosely. Not saying I don't think of all of them as friends, but I'm not sure they think of me the same way anymore.
Today in the ladies locker room a woman was talking about 2 women who were talking about her friend. She told them(in her story) to stop talking about her that way, she is my friend and that is mean. I don't know that I have ever said that when in the middle of friends talking about another friend. I don't even know if someone would do that for me. I suppose I don't speak my mind ever. I am always so worried about hurting some one's feelings. Mine are at the expense of others. I get hurt. I cry. I stay at home and wish the phone would ring.
I am the woman standing alone wishing someone would invite her along. It took me almost 3 years to cultivate a friendship with a woman whom I dearly love now, at preschool. Is it fear? Fear of being rejected at an older age, cause HS sucked! SUCKED!!! College wasn't too much better, I am grateful for my friends who helped me get through.
There are a few of you I hold very close to my heart...but I'm sure you don't even know. J-you probably wont read this, but it was because of you I got through a lot of tough times in college. L-you are still my freaky tiki even though we never talk or see each other. I have had some of the best times with you, with all of you guys. K-My bestest. Even though you have a handful or 5 handful's of friends and make new ones everywhere you go, I love you. I am so happy we can just totally be truly ourselves with each other. I love how you can tell me exactly how you feel and vice versa, and when its all over we are still friends. Not mad or hurt, just friends, AK couldn't be further. S-you are my oldest. We have been through the most bumpy of roads together and I miss you. Wish I could be more honest with you but I'm afraid of history repeating itself.
I dunno. I have asked this before, if there was something wrong with me, would you tell me? I know I yell at my kids, and probably have in public. It happens, get over it. I know most of the time I am dressed very casual, never matching. I don't have a job other then keep these kids happy, so I don't need to dress to impress...I usually shower so I don't stink, and I always brush my teeth. But would you really tell me, tell me why? Is it cause I'm lonely, and alone? I would get a sitter, I have one now, and we could go out, and I could listen. Is it cause I'm a mom and you are not? Is it cause I will want to do it again next week, or make a weekly or monthly date? Is it cause he is always on the road? Your hubby is home so you have daily adult interaction. Gotta have girlfriends for when the going gets tough! I don't have a sister, or any family so friends are what I need to count on. What we all need!
SO what gives? I was asked by an old sorority sister of mine if I wanted to host a 31 party. Actually I do. I actually want to host a 'slumber party' since I have never been to one of 'those' parties and was always curious...but who would I invite? Would anyone even come?
You know what I am scared of the most. Is history repeating itself. My mom, love her, but she has no friends. She never seemed to have friends when I was little(at least thats what I saw) and now that I am older I know she doesn't have many friends. She says she is fine, and maybe she is but I am not. I do not want to be like her and I dont want my daughter to be like me. I didnt have many girlfriends ever and I want her to have an abundance of friends, I want her to have to tell people no I cant come to your party cause I have 6 others to go to, instead of longing for that one invitation.
Life gets us too busy. We forget in the hustle and bustle. I wish I could forget, but I wait, hoping that the phone will ring tonight.
The end...
The end of everything as we know it.
I was raised to be respectful to my elders. Even now as an equal....kinda I am still respectful. I will hold open a door, wait for someone to cross the street, help with whatever I see I can at that moment, but it is returned?
A few weeks ago Sean and I were out shopping or maybe at the grocery store. I'm not sure exactly what but we only had Tate. We were walking towards the door and 2 men walked in and 1 walked out of this door way. NONE held the door for me and the baby. I did not have the stroller, I was carrying the car seat. Sean was a few steps behind, not close enough to get the door but close enough to see what had happened.
He said, loudly. The end of chivalry.
Man, that boat sailed long ago babe! I said.
But its the end of so much more. The end of being polite, being nice. Offering a hand to someone in need. Being courteous, or genuine.
We live in a world that is so fast paced. Especially here in the USA. I have only visited one other country, Chile, S.A. and it was a much slower pace from what I can remember. They have fiesta at our lunch time. Do you even take a lunch? Or do you eat at your desk?
Does it hurt to hold open a door, or wait a minute longer for someone to cross the road, even if they are 99 years old with a walker and their loving husband or wife helping them to cross. They waved you on 3 times but patience is a virtue right, shouldn't we give them the time they need?
What about your grandma, or great grandma, or grandpa(s). Would you want them rushed along like they were insignificant trash? How about that they are less, less of a person now that they are old?
What about your wife, clearly she is a stay at home mom, look at her. Her hair is a mess, her clothes aren't in perfect condition, she doesn't need to be anywhere in a hurry. I'm much more important then her...or him. What about the stay at home dad? There are a few I know out there. Maybe they get the lucky advantage to work from home, or maybe they really just stay home with their kids cause mom makes more money? Do you rush him on..NO.
Did you know that that mom was up all night with 2 sick kids and her husband is deployed? Did you know that that dad just went to the store to get diapers for the baby, or a perscription for his wife? Did you know that Grandma just bought a sympathy card for her son in law, her daughter just lost her battle with breast cancer. How about that elderly couple, she is in hospice, this is their weekly time to go and have coffee together. Or that man in the wheelchair, hes a vet, lost both his legs, he's late for work. Think about this the next time you rush someone. Think about someone other then yourself, even if you cant think so far out, think about your wife, or mom or maybe your children.
When was the last time you said God bless you, or the other saying when people sneeze? How about Thank you, or have a nice day? Please? How about I'm sorry, or Hello.
Its not just an end to chivalry, but an end to everything. Our children might still being taught it, manners, or how to be, but we certainly forget it as we get older. I feel rushed all the time. In line at the grocery store, someone shuffling behind me, it was an older lady, but she clearly was getting irritated with me. It wasn't my fault, the machine was taking its time, but still do we treat each other with loving kindness, or even do we treat anyone the way we want to be treated?
I know I try hard to. My mom hates it. She hates when I wait for the 99 year old couple to cross the street, but there is something there. In those few moments waiting, and watching that I get. Its so immeasurable and I cant even explain it, but I get it. That peace and calmness I long for each day.
Try it. Try just letting go. Sitting back and being genuinely nice. Without wanting anything back, not even for someone else to follow your lead. Maybe people will just see what you have done and start their own daily act of kindness.
Open a door, hold it open all the way. Say bless you, say please and thank you. Say I'm sorry and mean it, really mean it. Call your friend just to say hello, not to complain, but to just say hello. Send a card, write a note in your kids lunch box. Say I love you. Don't cut in line, don't push, say excuse me. Say good morning and good night, tell the person who just checked you out at the register Have a nice day too.
Wait for the couple to cross the street, just sit and wait, insist they take their time and breathe it all in.
This will be you one day. You will wonder where it all went. When did it end?
I was raised to be respectful to my elders. Even now as an equal....kinda I am still respectful. I will hold open a door, wait for someone to cross the street, help with whatever I see I can at that moment, but it is returned?
A few weeks ago Sean and I were out shopping or maybe at the grocery store. I'm not sure exactly what but we only had Tate. We were walking towards the door and 2 men walked in and 1 walked out of this door way. NONE held the door for me and the baby. I did not have the stroller, I was carrying the car seat. Sean was a few steps behind, not close enough to get the door but close enough to see what had happened.
He said, loudly. The end of chivalry.
Man, that boat sailed long ago babe! I said.
But its the end of so much more. The end of being polite, being nice. Offering a hand to someone in need. Being courteous, or genuine.
We live in a world that is so fast paced. Especially here in the USA. I have only visited one other country, Chile, S.A. and it was a much slower pace from what I can remember. They have fiesta at our lunch time. Do you even take a lunch? Or do you eat at your desk?
Does it hurt to hold open a door, or wait a minute longer for someone to cross the road, even if they are 99 years old with a walker and their loving husband or wife helping them to cross. They waved you on 3 times but patience is a virtue right, shouldn't we give them the time they need?
What about your grandma, or great grandma, or grandpa(s). Would you want them rushed along like they were insignificant trash? How about that they are less, less of a person now that they are old?
What about your wife, clearly she is a stay at home mom, look at her. Her hair is a mess, her clothes aren't in perfect condition, she doesn't need to be anywhere in a hurry. I'm much more important then her...or him. What about the stay at home dad? There are a few I know out there. Maybe they get the lucky advantage to work from home, or maybe they really just stay home with their kids cause mom makes more money? Do you rush him on..NO.
Did you know that that mom was up all night with 2 sick kids and her husband is deployed? Did you know that that dad just went to the store to get diapers for the baby, or a perscription for his wife? Did you know that Grandma just bought a sympathy card for her son in law, her daughter just lost her battle with breast cancer. How about that elderly couple, she is in hospice, this is their weekly time to go and have coffee together. Or that man in the wheelchair, hes a vet, lost both his legs, he's late for work. Think about this the next time you rush someone. Think about someone other then yourself, even if you cant think so far out, think about your wife, or mom or maybe your children.
When was the last time you said God bless you, or the other saying when people sneeze? How about Thank you, or have a nice day? Please? How about I'm sorry, or Hello.
Its not just an end to chivalry, but an end to everything. Our children might still being taught it, manners, or how to be, but we certainly forget it as we get older. I feel rushed all the time. In line at the grocery store, someone shuffling behind me, it was an older lady, but she clearly was getting irritated with me. It wasn't my fault, the machine was taking its time, but still do we treat each other with loving kindness, or even do we treat anyone the way we want to be treated?
I know I try hard to. My mom hates it. She hates when I wait for the 99 year old couple to cross the street, but there is something there. In those few moments waiting, and watching that I get. Its so immeasurable and I cant even explain it, but I get it. That peace and calmness I long for each day.
Try it. Try just letting go. Sitting back and being genuinely nice. Without wanting anything back, not even for someone else to follow your lead. Maybe people will just see what you have done and start their own daily act of kindness.
Open a door, hold it open all the way. Say bless you, say please and thank you. Say I'm sorry and mean it, really mean it. Call your friend just to say hello, not to complain, but to just say hello. Send a card, write a note in your kids lunch box. Say I love you. Don't cut in line, don't push, say excuse me. Say good morning and good night, tell the person who just checked you out at the register Have a nice day too.
Wait for the couple to cross the street, just sit and wait, insist they take their time and breathe it all in.
This will be you one day. You will wonder where it all went. When did it end?
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thank goodness for Roofs.
After a very long and extremely exhausting day I start a bath. A bath for a very fussy baby, that somehow becomes a different person after his bath. He loves them, starts talking after his bath not remembering why for the past hour he has been screaming. Red Faced. Screaming.
I am tired. Starting from midnight last night(Sunday). I could almost give a play by play. Actually it started even earlier, but we will stick with midnight for readers sake.
Teighan up. Croupy cough. Crying hysteria. Couldn't catch his breath. AWESOME. I calmed him down, reassuring him everything was ok. Listened to his lungs, sounded clear, and let him crawl into bed with me.
Tate up. Nursed back to sleep.
2am. I get to go to bed, finally... or do I?
Teighan up again. Cant breath. Cough, hack. bark. fuss. whine. cry. Falls back asleep.
5 am. Puts his head on my shoulder, crying. worried. Do I get everyone up for a ER trip now. Can I calm him down. Knowing deep in my heart we are going to the ER later. Lets see if mommy can just have another hour of sleep.
Oh. Koda has now joined the group. Body on the bed. Legs hanging off, complete blissful sleep. Mommy, squished, uncomfortable but peaceful.
9am. Decided to head to the ER. 5 hours later ER trip successful. Nebulizer and Steroids. He doesn't like this. He cries. I reassure him again. I worry.
I though this RAD, or reactive airway he would have grown out of by now. I worry how tonight will be, why am I still up at 2330 writing a blog...I worry how the season will affect him, or did the small about of smoke at a bbq the other night get to him. I worry.
Home. Kids are extremely fussy. Koda now has a fever too. Runny nose. AWESOME.
So we do what we do. Stuff. Little laundry etc. Dinner...bed. back to bath.
Tate went down without a fuss finally.
8pm, kids up and fussing. I don't want to go to bed. ME: ITS TIME! I start yelling again, cause we had some yelling today, and well I decided to write our bedtime rules on a piece of paper and pin it to the door.
Yes. Success. I did it. Made Rules. Rules to be broken 500,000 more times, but at least they're there. They are posted for all to see. MOM MADE RULES.
In pinning the rules to the door, I must have closed the door shut. No problem.
Sat down on the floor, did bedtime ritual of books and stories. Turned on music, off light, kiss, kiss grab the door knob.
Doesn't open.
Try again. Harder, HARDER. Doesn't open.
Awesome. The rules got me stuck in the bedroom, with the 2 I so desperately want to be asleep so mommy can go tosleep, clean kitchen...Have a beer.
Ok. what to do. what to do. I look around for anything. Nothing. I don't bring my phone in to bed time. No phone in their room, we only have 1 house phone, the other broke...Hulk SMASH!
Flashlight! YES!! I can do SOS. I don't know SOS, but I can try SOS. no batteries. Note to self: replace batteries, and put more flash lights in kids room.
Keep looking. nothing. NOTHING. not even a whistle. or noise maker. Note to self: buy T drums he has been asking for. But on a serious note, put whistles and noise makers in their bedroom.
What am I doing. What is my plan. Well my plan is to poke my head out and see if Neighbors are smoking. NO. Lights off. uh OH!! Other neighbors light is on.
I start calling. Nothing They don't smoke, but they have a dog. Maybe I will get lucky and Dude will be out. Nope. No luck.
Ok. I need a new plan. I have to throw something, because if I crawl out onto the roof, and try to jump down we will be back in the ER. well, if anyone hears me fall, cause again there is no phone for the kids to call 911. Do they even know the numbers? 9-1-1...
Ok. shoes, flip flops. books. Nothing to throw, until I found it. The ball that saved the day.
I crawled out the window onto the roof, all the while telling the kids never to do this. Also telling them if we ever have a fire this is how we will get out... We were just practicing our fire drill. I threw the ball, thank goodness, they heard it, but weren't opening the door. I heard them talking about the noise, and then I saw him and yelled again.
He came out, and looked up, puzzled. Why are you up there. Ugh we are locked out. I mean in. Locked in the kids bedroom.
Why?
I dunno, the door is locked and I have nothing to help me. Can you go knock on the other neighbors door, they have a key. Note to self, this is the 2nd time James has helped me in a pinch...give them a key and baked goods.
He comes back. They're not home. AWESOME.
James: Hey try a wire.
Me: (thoughts)Yes, of course. I didn't think of that(I did...) but I am in my kids room. With kids clothes, from kids stores. What are they hanging on? Kids plastic hangers. So he goes and gets me a hanger, and makes it straight so I can pop the lock.
Me: Nope. Not gonna do it. The house is 30? Years old, the doors and locks are the same age. The hanger wouldn't even fit into the lock let alone make it budge.
James: He gets the ladder out, and climbs up and tries.
Me: NOPE. I told you. It wasn't going to work.
James: Ok, Ill be right back...
Comes back with a hammer and a flat head screwdriver to take the door off the hinges. Did I mention he crawled in the same window I crawled out of?
The baby is now crying. I have been locked in the room for about an hour, and the door is NOT coming off the hinges. It is stuck.
He asks, how long have you been here. I thought he meant living in the house, that is why the door was stuck.
Ugh, 7 years...
No I mean in the room. 1 hour.
I lost it. I started laughing so hard. Then finally, with a lot of giggling, and pulling the door finally came off. He put it back on and I asked him how he wanted to leave, conventional or unconventional. He chose conventional.
I realized in the few moments watching with intense anxiety for the door to open, that I was put here tonight. We Teighan, Takoda and I were stratigically put here. To spend uninterrupted time solving a problem and then letting go. Letting go of the day, or the stress and worry and laughing uncontrollably...
Thank goodness for roofs, townhouses, nice neighbors, and doors that lock...never know when you need the laugh.
I am tired. Starting from midnight last night(Sunday). I could almost give a play by play. Actually it started even earlier, but we will stick with midnight for readers sake.
Teighan up. Croupy cough. Crying hysteria. Couldn't catch his breath. AWESOME. I calmed him down, reassuring him everything was ok. Listened to his lungs, sounded clear, and let him crawl into bed with me.
Tate up. Nursed back to sleep.
2am. I get to go to bed, finally... or do I?
Teighan up again. Cant breath. Cough, hack. bark. fuss. whine. cry. Falls back asleep.
5 am. Puts his head on my shoulder, crying. worried. Do I get everyone up for a ER trip now. Can I calm him down. Knowing deep in my heart we are going to the ER later. Lets see if mommy can just have another hour of sleep.
Oh. Koda has now joined the group. Body on the bed. Legs hanging off, complete blissful sleep. Mommy, squished, uncomfortable but peaceful.
9am. Decided to head to the ER. 5 hours later ER trip successful. Nebulizer and Steroids. He doesn't like this. He cries. I reassure him again. I worry.
I though this RAD, or reactive airway he would have grown out of by now. I worry how tonight will be, why am I still up at 2330 writing a blog...I worry how the season will affect him, or did the small about of smoke at a bbq the other night get to him. I worry.
Home. Kids are extremely fussy. Koda now has a fever too. Runny nose. AWESOME.
So we do what we do. Stuff. Little laundry etc. Dinner...bed. back to bath.
Tate went down without a fuss finally.
8pm, kids up and fussing. I don't want to go to bed. ME: ITS TIME! I start yelling again, cause we had some yelling today, and well I decided to write our bedtime rules on a piece of paper and pin it to the door.
Yes. Success. I did it. Made Rules. Rules to be broken 500,000 more times, but at least they're there. They are posted for all to see. MOM MADE RULES.
In pinning the rules to the door, I must have closed the door shut. No problem.
Sat down on the floor, did bedtime ritual of books and stories. Turned on music, off light, kiss, kiss grab the door knob.
Doesn't open.
Try again. Harder, HARDER. Doesn't open.
Awesome. The rules got me stuck in the bedroom, with the 2 I so desperately want to be asleep so mommy can go to
Ok. what to do. what to do. I look around for anything. Nothing. I don't bring my phone in to bed time. No phone in their room, we only have 1 house phone, the other broke...Hulk SMASH!
Flashlight! YES!! I can do SOS. I don't know SOS, but I can try SOS. no batteries. Note to self: replace batteries, and put more flash lights in kids room.
Keep looking. nothing. NOTHING. not even a whistle. or noise maker. Note to self: buy T drums he has been asking for. But on a serious note, put whistles and noise makers in their bedroom.
What am I doing. What is my plan. Well my plan is to poke my head out and see if Neighbors are smoking. NO. Lights off. uh OH!! Other neighbors light is on.
I start calling. Nothing They don't smoke, but they have a dog. Maybe I will get lucky and Dude will be out. Nope. No luck.
Ok. I need a new plan. I have to throw something, because if I crawl out onto the roof, and try to jump down we will be back in the ER. well, if anyone hears me fall, cause again there is no phone for the kids to call 911. Do they even know the numbers? 9-1-1...
Ok. shoes, flip flops. books. Nothing to throw, until I found it. The ball that saved the day.
I crawled out the window onto the roof, all the while telling the kids never to do this. Also telling them if we ever have a fire this is how we will get out... We were just practicing our fire drill. I threw the ball, thank goodness, they heard it, but weren't opening the door. I heard them talking about the noise, and then I saw him and yelled again.
He came out, and looked up, puzzled. Why are you up there. Ugh we are locked out. I mean in. Locked in the kids bedroom.
Why?
I dunno, the door is locked and I have nothing to help me. Can you go knock on the other neighbors door, they have a key. Note to self, this is the 2nd time James has helped me in a pinch...give them a key and baked goods.
He comes back. They're not home. AWESOME.
James: Hey try a wire.
Me: (thoughts)Yes, of course. I didn't think of that(I did...) but I am in my kids room. With kids clothes, from kids stores. What are they hanging on? Kids plastic hangers. So he goes and gets me a hanger, and makes it straight so I can pop the lock.
Me: Nope. Not gonna do it. The house is 30? Years old, the doors and locks are the same age. The hanger wouldn't even fit into the lock let alone make it budge.
James: He gets the ladder out, and climbs up and tries.
Me: NOPE. I told you. It wasn't going to work.
James: Ok, Ill be right back...
Comes back with a hammer and a flat head screwdriver to take the door off the hinges. Did I mention he crawled in the same window I crawled out of?
The baby is now crying. I have been locked in the room for about an hour, and the door is NOT coming off the hinges. It is stuck.
He asks, how long have you been here. I thought he meant living in the house, that is why the door was stuck.
Ugh, 7 years...
No I mean in the room. 1 hour.
I lost it. I started laughing so hard. Then finally, with a lot of giggling, and pulling the door finally came off. He put it back on and I asked him how he wanted to leave, conventional or unconventional. He chose conventional.
I realized in the few moments watching with intense anxiety for the door to open, that I was put here tonight. We Teighan, Takoda and I were stratigically put here. To spend uninterrupted time solving a problem and then letting go. Letting go of the day, or the stress and worry and laughing uncontrollably...
Thank goodness for roofs, townhouses, nice neighbors, and doors that lock...never know when you need the laugh.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Blogging...and grammer.
Blogging. Writing. Sean and I were talking, well I was talking he was listening. And laughing. He laughs at me a lot. Or should I say I make him laugh. Well I make myself laugh too.
I tell stories. Sometimes I finish them sometimes I start another one in the middle of the first and so on.
My mind is bouncy like Koda's curls. I said this one before too. My mind is busy. Busy is an understatement. I have a thousand thoughts a minute and usually they don't flow into another.
He said I should write a book. It would be funny. I laugh a lot when I'm with other people" I make other people laugh too, not a comedian like Ellen. She is my favorite. I like to watch her at 3/1500 so I can catch her monologue. Is that what her solo stand up is called? She is hilarious. I laugh. It's good.
My mom makes me laugh too. I love my mom, although she drives me crazy(all of the time) some of the best laughs I have had have been with her. Actually thinking about it, some of my best laughs, tears rolling down my cheeks, almost pee in my pants laughs have been with the people I love the most.
Anyway back to blogging, or writing. I did not do well in English. I actually completely avoided taking English in college. I took the first two years which were mandatory. I got b's. Not too bad, but in high school I got...I don't remember. I passed though I was happy about that. After my first two years, I took anything that 'fit' the English literature criteria but wasn't actually English. I took Russian Woman's literature, Greek and Roman mythology...nothing remotely related to grammar and English.
I will be okay when it comes to Science. I was good in science. Okay in math. Not in English, my poor kids. My husband is a mirrored dyslexic(although the only college grad in this house and a pretty smart guy if I say so :)). He reads like crazy and it doesn't seem to affect him anymore except he still seems to add a letter here and there where it doesn't belong, but me, boy...I'm a mess. They will not do well in English if they have to come to me. Thank goodness for spell check!
I have been reading more, now that the kids are back in school. More blogs, and more books. I am noticing that there is a space between the paragraphs. It is Soooooo much easier to read these blogs. So I said something to my hubby tonight. I said that I read a few of my friends blogs and there so much easier to read, I hope they don't get upset like I'm stealing they're style. This extra space between paragraphs.
He said why, cause your posts are like a run on sentence...I said no(what is he criticizing me?) They are just hard to follow(I know this I have trouble re-reading them before I post). He said yes, like one continuous thought. Unfortunately that is me...
He said honey, that is how you are supposed to write. It's not plagiarism. It's correct grammar. They wont be mad.
So. I'm not stealing a style of writing, apparently I was doing it all wrong. Like my blog. Not about one particular event at a time, but numerous events rolled into one continuous thought.
I tell stories. Sometimes I finish them sometimes I start another one in the middle of the first and so on.
My mind is bouncy like Koda's curls. I said this one before too. My mind is busy. Busy is an understatement. I have a thousand thoughts a minute and usually they don't flow into another.
He said I should write a book. It would be funny. I laugh a lot when I'm with other people" I make other people laugh too, not a comedian like Ellen. She is my favorite. I like to watch her at 3/1500 so I can catch her monologue. Is that what her solo stand up is called? She is hilarious. I laugh. It's good.
My mom makes me laugh too. I love my mom, although she drives me crazy(all of the time) some of the best laughs I have had have been with her. Actually thinking about it, some of my best laughs, tears rolling down my cheeks, almost pee in my pants laughs have been with the people I love the most.
Anyway back to blogging, or writing. I did not do well in English. I actually completely avoided taking English in college. I took the first two years which were mandatory. I got b's. Not too bad, but in high school I got...I don't remember. I passed though I was happy about that. After my first two years, I took anything that 'fit' the English literature criteria but wasn't actually English. I took Russian Woman's literature, Greek and Roman mythology...nothing remotely related to grammar and English.
I will be okay when it comes to Science. I was good in science. Okay in math. Not in English, my poor kids. My husband is a mirrored dyslexic(although the only college grad in this house and a pretty smart guy if I say so :)). He reads like crazy and it doesn't seem to affect him anymore except he still seems to add a letter here and there where it doesn't belong, but me, boy...I'm a mess. They will not do well in English if they have to come to me. Thank goodness for spell check!
I have been reading more, now that the kids are back in school. More blogs, and more books. I am noticing that there is a space between the paragraphs. It is Soooooo much easier to read these blogs. So I said something to my hubby tonight. I said that I read a few of my friends blogs and there so much easier to read, I hope they don't get upset like I'm stealing they're style. This extra space between paragraphs.
He said why, cause your posts are like a run on sentence...I said no(what is he criticizing me?) They are just hard to follow(I know this I have trouble re-reading them before I post). He said yes, like one continuous thought. Unfortunately that is me...
He said honey, that is how you are supposed to write. It's not plagiarism. It's correct grammar. They wont be mad.
So. I'm not stealing a style of writing, apparently I was doing it all wrong. Like my blog. Not about one particular event at a time, but numerous events rolled into one continuous thought.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sleep...What are you doing??
Sleep. Defined as:
Sleep is a naturally recurring state characterized by reduced or absent consciousness, relatively suspended sensory activity, and inactivity of nearly all voluntary muscles.[1] It is distinguished from quiet wakefulness by a decreased ability to react to stimuli, and is more easily reversible than being in hibernation or a coma. Sleep is a heightened anabolic state, accentuating the growth and rejuvenation of the immune, nervous, skeletal and muscular systems. It is observed in all mammals, all birds, and many reptiles, amphibians, and fish.(Wikipedia)
Do we really need sleep? I don't need sleep. Actually if I add all the sleep I get up, I may get close to 5 solid hours a night, and that's pushing it.
Ok, yes I have a new baby, but he sleeps all night! He has slept all night since he was born practically. We have a few wakeful nights a week/month usually during a growth spurt when heneeds wants to nurse more. He is an AWESOME baby! So its not him.
T had a really hard time falling asleep for the first 7 months. Usually it was on me, nursing on just laying on me or someone. Then he had his paci forone year...4...ok 4 years. Don't judge me. He slept great. I took it away things shifted, but once he is asleep he sleeps.
Koda on the other hand started out really great like Tate...(Dear God, please don't let Tate grow up into his sisters sleeping habits, Thank you. Me). She slept well from birth, well maybe from 4-5months on. She had a paci forone year...4, yes again 4 years. Again, don't judge me. It was easier. Dad was on the road and it was just not the battle I was choosing. Anyway, she started having sleeping issues about 20months. Maybe right before or after her ear infections and she got tubes.
SHE DOES NOT SLEEP WELL!
She sleep talks, sleep toots(farts for those of you who don't know our terminology), sleep pees(makes it to the toilet most nights), she is up and down. After hours of sleeping or maybe just one, she says she cant sleep. She gets up and talks to me, or just climbs into bed with me.
Tonight, well tonight was different. I actually thought ZOMBIE...
Yes. YES. I said zombie.
I was downstairs typing and reading a blog...or fb. I don't remember. I heard a door close, then open then close. I didn't hear the footsteps anymore so I got up to check and see what, who was moving. I knew it was probably her.
I crept upstairs and the hall light was on again. The baby's door shut. I don't close his door all the way. hmmm. I opened the door expecting Koda sleeping on the rocking chair which I found her there last week...but nope she wasn't there. I looked into my room. Nope. The bathroom, nope. I opened the door to her room, looked into her bed. No Koda. where the heck hell is she.
I turned my head. My heart started beating so hard, and I was so confused, and shocked and scared. Yes I said it. Scared. I had NO IDEA what she was doing.
In my kids room they have a green chest that has blankets in it. It is now moved so it is against the wall as you walk in, the door opens towards it. Right now it had a few sweat shirts and clean clothes waiting to be put away on it. Ok it is a mess. Anyway. This is where I found her.
Standing on top of the green messy chest, hunched over, like she was looking for something. Like a zombie looking for food in a place where there was none. IT TOTALLY FREAKED ME OUT!
I said what are you doing. She looked up in a very confused dazed stare, like she was going to eat me.(We watch too many zombie movies/tv shows and Sean has read and told me about too many books). She didn't say anything.
Do you have to pee?...silence.
I help her down, she is in a complete daze. I look into her eyes. She is not there. It is a very scary thing I am seeing, not one I want to see, nor a road I want to venture down.
I did get her to the toilet. I gave her toilet paper. She wiped and gave it back to me. How thoughtful. Thanks my sweet peach. I love you.
So not only do I have a sleep talker, sleep tooter, sleep pee-er, a sleep fighter, I now(very dreaded SIGH) have a sleep walker.
Thank goodness I went upstairs. I thought the silence after footsteps and a door closing was too odd. She could have fallen off the green messy chest...but probably would have been ok cause of the clean clothes pile next to the green messy chest.
I don't sleep either. I just told the dog I couldn't let him out because I have to wait till the terminator comes. I meant exterminator we have a 'something' in the back yard.
I will take a terminator..for the zombies and the 'somethings' maybe then I can get some sleep.
Sleep is a naturally recurring state characterized by reduced or absent consciousness, relatively suspended sensory activity, and inactivity of nearly all voluntary muscles.[1] It is distinguished from quiet wakefulness by a decreased ability to react to stimuli, and is more easily reversible than being in hibernation or a coma. Sleep is a heightened anabolic state, accentuating the growth and rejuvenation of the immune, nervous, skeletal and muscular systems. It is observed in all mammals, all birds, and many reptiles, amphibians, and fish.(Wikipedia)
Do we really need sleep? I don't need sleep. Actually if I add all the sleep I get up, I may get close to 5 solid hours a night, and that's pushing it.
Ok, yes I have a new baby, but he sleeps all night! He has slept all night since he was born practically. We have a few wakeful nights a week/month usually during a growth spurt when he
T had a really hard time falling asleep for the first 7 months. Usually it was on me, nursing on just laying on me or someone. Then he had his paci for
Koda on the other hand started out really great like Tate...(Dear God, please don't let Tate grow up into his sisters sleeping habits, Thank you. Me). She slept well from birth, well maybe from 4-5months on. She had a paci for
SHE DOES NOT SLEEP WELL!
She sleep talks, sleep toots(farts for those of you who don't know our terminology), sleep pees(makes it to the toilet most nights), she is up and down. After hours of sleeping or maybe just one, she says she cant sleep. She gets up and talks to me, or just climbs into bed with me.
Tonight, well tonight was different. I actually thought ZOMBIE...
Yes. YES. I said zombie.
I was downstairs typing and reading a blog...or fb. I don't remember. I heard a door close, then open then close. I didn't hear the footsteps anymore so I got up to check and see what, who was moving. I knew it was probably her.
I crept upstairs and the hall light was on again. The baby's door shut. I don't close his door all the way. hmmm. I opened the door expecting Koda sleeping on the rocking chair which I found her there last week...but nope she wasn't there. I looked into my room. Nope. The bathroom, nope. I opened the door to her room, looked into her bed. No Koda. where the
I turned my head. My heart started beating so hard, and I was so confused, and shocked and scared. Yes I said it. Scared. I had NO IDEA what she was doing.
In my kids room they have a green chest that has blankets in it. It is now moved so it is against the wall as you walk in, the door opens towards it. Right now it had a few sweat shirts and clean clothes waiting to be put away on it. Ok it is a mess. Anyway. This is where I found her.
Standing on top of the green messy chest, hunched over, like she was looking for something. Like a zombie looking for food in a place where there was none. IT TOTALLY FREAKED ME OUT!
I said what are you doing. She looked up in a very confused dazed stare, like she was going to eat me.(We watch too many zombie movies/tv shows and Sean has read and told me about too many books). She didn't say anything.
Do you have to pee?...silence.
I help her down, she is in a complete daze. I look into her eyes. She is not there. It is a very scary thing I am seeing, not one I want to see, nor a road I want to venture down.
I did get her to the toilet. I gave her toilet paper. She wiped and gave it back to me. How thoughtful. Thanks my sweet peach. I love you.
So not only do I have a sleep talker, sleep tooter, sleep pee-er, a sleep fighter, I now(very dreaded SIGH) have a sleep walker.
Thank goodness I went upstairs. I thought the silence after footsteps and a door closing was too odd. She could have fallen off the green messy chest...but probably would have been ok cause of the clean clothes pile next to the green messy chest.
I don't sleep either. I just told the dog I couldn't let him out because I have to wait till the terminator comes. I meant exterminator we have a 'something' in the back yard.
I will take a terminator..for the zombies and the 'somethings' maybe then I can get some sleep.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Letting go
So I am letting go of little things. Little silly things that bother me. That make me blow my top. Like my mom. Letting go. Like paying attention to the details of our conversation. Letting go. Not absent just not paying 100% attention.
My mom, is going through a lot with my dads cancer and chemo treatments. She is a different person. A very stressed, angry, sad person. I'm letting go. I can't fix her. I can't help her, logistically or physically, emotionally or whatever. I try, but I'm letting go. It isn't healthy. But I still love her.
I'm letting go of worrying about my dad. He will get through or he wont. I cant fix it. So I let go. I let go of him being grumpy, getting agitated with me when I ask him something simple. I let go because I know he still loves me no matter how grumpy he is. I let go because I know he loves my kids more then anything in the world. I hold on to his love. I hold on to the fact in my whole 33 years I have heard him curse maybe a handful of times. I hold on to the man, my dad, my daddy. The man that has kept our family afloat and will keep floating on right up till the end(which may be tomorrow or 20+ years from now). I let go.
I let go ofneeding wanting my husband to be home every night. I let go of my fears and embraced the immense independence I was given. The outcome, there isn't anything I cant do. Things I don't want to do, but nothing I cant do. I let go. I hold onto him, when he is home because I love him.
The past 2 days have been awesome! I've let go of my idiosyncrasies. Of the silly little things that bother me. Each time I felt like I was going to blow, or get upset or angry I took a deep breath and just let it go. It really wasn't that bad and I felt AWESOME afterwards, even if the kids were upset.
They expect me to explode, get upset but I will not. It doesn't fix anything and it doesn't work.
Wednesday. Got up reminded Teighan it was Wednesday. He said I know mom, it's a karate day. We walked to the bus, I asked him what day it was he said again, I know mom it's a karate day. Koda loves karate, actually she loves anything. She never complains, except for dance. She didn't like dance at all. Anyway, the day went well, made an awesome dinner I found on pinterest, did some laundry talked to my cuz...it was a good day. Then the bus came home. I was a little worried cause every day Teighan gets off the bus he wants to play with his friends.
I get it. I totally understand. I want to play with my friends too. Where are they...let's go play. I'm letting go.
So he gets off the bus talked to his friend P and followed me, no whining, no problem just came got home finished his lunch and off we went. It was awesome. I let go. I stepped back. I loosened the rope and gave in to him. Allowing him to be more responsible and guess what it's working!
Today worked equally as well. A little whine cause we didn't have ice cream, or sorbet after dinner(cause I didn't have enough for 2) but really well. And I'm happier, and they're happier.
I let go of yelling and screaming. I let go of expecting my 6 year old knowing exactly how to act at any given moment. I became more aware of my 5 year olds innocence. I let go of caring if they got muddy, or tracked mud thought the freshly washed floors. I let go of worrying about them reading Harry Potter cause a little friend can read Harry Potter. I let them jump in the puddles, and kiss their brother. I let them play with worms, and let go of germs. Its not going to kill them. Really. Its not!
I let go and it feels wonderful! You should try it!
Letting go of something you think you should be holding on to really tight. I want to hold on to their innocence, on to them being kids, children. Being loud and messy. Fearless and curious. Wild, energetic(like the bunny) adventurous. Imaginative and playful. Sometimes embarrassing. Ravenous(when you have boys). Tired. Sincere, sweet and loving endlessly and unconditionally.
Let go of all the rules. Let go of the norms; of the expected.
DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING TO RUN SMOOTHLY EVER. BETTER YET HAVE NONE, NO
EXPECTATIONS. JUST LET GO!
It didn't let go of my love. I actually became more aware of it. I embraced it and my kids.
I will not let go of this. Of love and loving them, and demanding love back. But everything else, it's ok.
They will all read, and write and do advanced algebra one day, but not today and that is ok.
Let go.
My mom, is going through a lot with my dads cancer and chemo treatments. She is a different person. A very stressed, angry, sad person. I'm letting go. I can't fix her. I can't help her, logistically or physically, emotionally or whatever. I try, but I'm letting go. It isn't healthy. But I still love her.
I'm letting go of worrying about my dad. He will get through or he wont. I cant fix it. So I let go. I let go of him being grumpy, getting agitated with me when I ask him something simple. I let go because I know he still loves me no matter how grumpy he is. I let go because I know he loves my kids more then anything in the world. I hold on to his love. I hold on to the fact in my whole 33 years I have heard him curse maybe a handful of times. I hold on to the man, my dad, my daddy. The man that has kept our family afloat and will keep floating on right up till the end(which may be tomorrow or 20+ years from now). I let go.
I let go of
The past 2 days have been awesome! I've let go of my idiosyncrasies. Of the silly little things that bother me. Each time I felt like I was going to blow, or get upset or angry I took a deep breath and just let it go. It really wasn't that bad and I felt AWESOME afterwards, even if the kids were upset.
They expect me to explode, get upset but I will not. It doesn't fix anything and it doesn't work.
Wednesday. Got up reminded Teighan it was Wednesday. He said I know mom, it's a karate day. We walked to the bus, I asked him what day it was he said again, I know mom it's a karate day. Koda loves karate, actually she loves anything. She never complains, except for dance. She didn't like dance at all. Anyway, the day went well, made an awesome dinner I found on pinterest, did some laundry talked to my cuz...it was a good day. Then the bus came home. I was a little worried cause every day Teighan gets off the bus he wants to play with his friends.
I get it. I totally understand. I want to play with my friends too. Where are they...let's go play. I'm letting go.
So he gets off the bus talked to his friend P and followed me, no whining, no problem just came got home finished his lunch and off we went. It was awesome. I let go. I stepped back. I loosened the rope and gave in to him. Allowing him to be more responsible and guess what it's working!
Today worked equally as well. A little whine cause we didn't have ice cream, or sorbet after dinner(cause I didn't have enough for 2) but really well. And I'm happier, and they're happier.
I let go of yelling and screaming. I let go of expecting my 6 year old knowing exactly how to act at any given moment. I became more aware of my 5 year olds innocence. I let go of caring if they got muddy, or tracked mud thought the freshly washed floors. I let go of worrying about them reading Harry Potter cause a little friend can read Harry Potter. I let them jump in the puddles, and kiss their brother. I let them play with worms, and let go of germs. Its not going to kill them. Really. Its not!
I let go and it feels wonderful! You should try it!
Letting go of something you think you should be holding on to really tight. I want to hold on to their innocence, on to them being kids, children. Being loud and messy. Fearless and curious. Wild, energetic(like the bunny) adventurous. Imaginative and playful. Sometimes embarrassing. Ravenous(when you have boys). Tired. Sincere, sweet and loving endlessly and unconditionally.
Let go of all the rules. Let go of the norms; of the expected.
DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING TO RUN SMOOTHLY EVER. BETTER YET HAVE NONE, NO
EXPECTATIONS. JUST LET GO!
It didn't let go of my love. I actually became more aware of it. I embraced it and my kids.
I will not let go of this. Of love and loving them, and demanding love back. But everything else, it's ok.
They will all read, and write and do advanced algebra one day, but not today and that is ok.
Let go.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Special Agent of M.O.M...
As Sean is on the road again lets recap since June, cause I cant much remember much before this. June Sean was gone 23 days. July not much better, don't have an exact date but I do remember he only had 5 days off(not consecutive), and August, don't let me start 22 days so far, and he is gone until the 8th of September.
Yes the joys of being married to my best friend(some days) and love of my life(other days) and a Special Agent. Special Agent of what I wonder, being gone all the time. Yes I can vent because I am on the roller coaster ride and its going so fast we are missing, 1, 2, 3 month markers, he is missing 1st days of school, and I am holding down the fort. I run a extremely tight ship, and really need to let go a little. My parents ran a tight ship, and look(for those of you who know me well) what happened in HS...college...I ENJOYED my life finally. I am not enjoying life today, or yesterday.
I have moments I hold onto, like Tates little laugh, or Takoda's constant bubbly outlook on everything, and her bouncy curls or her endless conversations with the air, I hold on to everything Teighan, how really sweet he can be when he wants, and how he really loves, but is afraid to show it in public, how my 1st little boy is almost 7 and growing up too fast. I hold on to the 1sts, first roll overs, crawling, walking, talking. I hold on to the nights rushing by myself to the ER or the late night pediatric care with a 104 fever, then myself 4 days later like clockwork getting sick.
I should hold on to my first trip to Hawaii. I had always wanted to go to Hawaii and Australia. Once. I have been to Hawaii every year since 2008. One year twice! My first trip January 3 or 4 2008. Sean had to go for work, YES work...and he ends up having work there every year, which is AWESOME! Anyway I digress, I do this a lot. Blogging for some people may be about one particular event, but for me, my brain is at a constant whirlwind so sometimes its very bouncy...like koda's curls.
My first trip to Hawaii, I had a 26 month old, or just over 2, and an 9 month old...who was still nursing. I was determined after my mom changed her mind(we got bumped and our flight canceled and then she jumped and cancelled the flight so they didn't find us another one, and well she bailed) I was so upset, it was our first Christmas with Takoda and he already missed that, got home on the 28 of December and then had to leave on the 1st of January. SO, I found myself a flight for 2, Koda was on my lap and my MIL got me a car service to take me to the airport, I was FREAKING OUT, he drove all over the place talking about his new GPS, its was 4am I was already tired as it was the first 6 months on this new position of travelling cop...and the driver is almost going to kill me and my precious children. YES I said precious, because at this point in the morning they were perfect!
I flew from BWI to Arizona, then to Kona, HI. It was a long flight, and that's just the first one. We made it, very tired mom, but we made it. It was a hard trip as Sean worked and was off the resort most of the time and how do you get babies to nap when they're off their schedule and in a beautiful vacation land. I ate a lot by myself and reflected on this journey I just made, and I decided I would never, ever go on another trip with him while he was working. What did I do, went to California the next year so we could be together again at Christmas time. Cause that's what moms do, that's what I do.
I have since made this trip 5 more times by myself with the kids, one including last year pregnant with #3 and I plan on making our 6 trip this Winter with a 8 month old again who will also still be nursing. I have been told I am supermom, but I don't hear or believe it. I am just a mom, like all moms who want to give their children everything and anything in their power and lots and lots of LOVE.
I read a blog tonight that said "dear sweet mom who thinks she is failing"(and I needed it, and I cried and I realized I am doing a good job, cause everyone is still happy and healthy, even the dog) and I decided my blog is for me. Maybe someone will get a laugh or a cry or I will get an uplifting or motivational email or a call from an old friend, but I shouldn't worry if I offend anyone cause its my blog right?
Anyway, Special Agent has a loose term, I often think of Special Agent OSO, he used to be on noggin, do you remember noggin, its not around anymore. Did I say special agent, I meant Secret Agent, wait what the heck is Sean, I'm lost. He is a cop. I am the special agent. I am the one, the force to be reckoned with. As he says, I need to ask my wife, or let me check...because after being gone 2 weeks and getting hit for another trip ending up not coming home, he checks. What can I say really, NO? Yeah right, I just hold down the fort, hanging on for dear life to the tent tie downs...
I called my BIL the other day, we talked about a BAT, that flew into the house, MY HOUSE! Then when I asked to speak with my SIL, he said 'hold on here's the boss' cause yes that is exactly what we are, the BOSS, the SPECIAL AGENT, the SECRET AGENT, whatever it is, we are it.
We are M.O.M...a secret and very special organization if you are lucky enough to join. You have a very special initiation ceremony that takes place one special night, only to finalize in a hospital room that ends up with one very precious miracle. Our badge of honor sometimes is hours old, or maybe even day old spit up, or poop, or food or puke, or tears, or marker...Our hair is sometimes messy, in a very perfect way. Our uniform consists of whatever is the easiest and closest to pull on when running to make the bus. Usually yoga pants and an old Tshirt, some days we have our professional clothes which may even match. Our weapon depending on the day could be a crying baby, whining child or extremely stressed and tired self that can give the look of death without breaking a sweat. Our boss, we dont have one, well maybe the big guy in the sky, or whomever your deity is. We do things our own way, and we learn every day. We may break open a parenting book or website in this day of technology, we take notes and we try to do it better the next day.
Our payment, its the best, something only us Special Agent of M.O.M gets...lots of unconditional love, hugs, kisses, tears, boo boos, 1st's, 2nd's 100ths, baby toes, and runny noses and those first words. We often forget in the hustle and bustle how amazing we are as moms, and I know we judge and criticize ourselves and others...and really we are all the same. Trying to raise the best little people we can, however we can. Rich or Poor, we are all the same. Loving and hard working, unpaid, and overworked, and at the end of the day extremely, extremely overjoyed and full of happiness.
Today I got 3 kids up fed, 2 off to school, volunteered for lunch, came home played, played some more. Got eaten alive by Skeeters cause I went outside to let my kids play, then I got 3 back into bed only to start over again tomorrow. But tomorrow will be different cause its not today, and it will be better in some way.
Live, Laugh and Love.
Yes the joys of being married to my best friend(some days) and love of my life(other days) and a Special Agent. Special Agent of what I wonder, being gone all the time. Yes I can vent because I am on the roller coaster ride and its going so fast we are missing, 1, 2, 3 month markers, he is missing 1st days of school, and I am holding down the fort. I run a extremely tight ship, and really need to let go a little. My parents ran a tight ship, and look(for those of you who know me well) what happened in HS...college...I ENJOYED my life finally. I am not enjoying life today, or yesterday.
I have moments I hold onto, like Tates little laugh, or Takoda's constant bubbly outlook on everything, and her bouncy curls or her endless conversations with the air, I hold on to everything Teighan, how really sweet he can be when he wants, and how he really loves, but is afraid to show it in public, how my 1st little boy is almost 7 and growing up too fast. I hold on to the 1sts, first roll overs, crawling, walking, talking. I hold on to the nights rushing by myself to the ER or the late night pediatric care with a 104 fever, then myself 4 days later like clockwork getting sick.
I should hold on to my first trip to Hawaii. I had always wanted to go to Hawaii and Australia. Once. I have been to Hawaii every year since 2008. One year twice! My first trip January 3 or 4 2008. Sean had to go for work, YES work...and he ends up having work there every year, which is AWESOME! Anyway I digress, I do this a lot. Blogging for some people may be about one particular event, but for me, my brain is at a constant whirlwind so sometimes its very bouncy...like koda's curls.
My first trip to Hawaii, I had a 26 month old, or just over 2, and an 9 month old...who was still nursing. I was determined after my mom changed her mind(we got bumped and our flight canceled and then she jumped and cancelled the flight so they didn't find us another one, and well she bailed) I was so upset, it was our first Christmas with Takoda and he already missed that, got home on the 28 of December and then had to leave on the 1st of January. SO, I found myself a flight for 2, Koda was on my lap and my MIL got me a car service to take me to the airport, I was FREAKING OUT, he drove all over the place talking about his new GPS, its was 4am I was already tired as it was the first 6 months on this new position of travelling cop...and the driver is almost going to kill me and my precious children. YES I said precious, because at this point in the morning they were perfect!
I flew from BWI to Arizona, then to Kona, HI. It was a long flight, and that's just the first one. We made it, very tired mom, but we made it. It was a hard trip as Sean worked and was off the resort most of the time and how do you get babies to nap when they're off their schedule and in a beautiful vacation land. I ate a lot by myself and reflected on this journey I just made, and I decided I would never, ever go on another trip with him while he was working. What did I do, went to California the next year so we could be together again at Christmas time. Cause that's what moms do, that's what I do.
I have since made this trip 5 more times by myself with the kids, one including last year pregnant with #3 and I plan on making our 6 trip this Winter with a 8 month old again who will also still be nursing. I have been told I am supermom, but I don't hear or believe it. I am just a mom, like all moms who want to give their children everything and anything in their power and lots and lots of LOVE.
I read a blog tonight that said "dear sweet mom who thinks she is failing"(and I needed it, and I cried and I realized I am doing a good job, cause everyone is still happy and healthy, even the dog) and I decided my blog is for me. Maybe someone will get a laugh or a cry or I will get an uplifting or motivational email or a call from an old friend, but I shouldn't worry if I offend anyone cause its my blog right?
Anyway, Special Agent has a loose term, I often think of Special Agent OSO, he used to be on noggin, do you remember noggin, its not around anymore. Did I say special agent, I meant Secret Agent, wait what the heck is Sean, I'm lost. He is a cop. I am the special agent. I am the one, the force to be reckoned with. As he says, I need to ask my wife, or let me check...because after being gone 2 weeks and getting hit for another trip ending up not coming home, he checks. What can I say really, NO? Yeah right, I just hold down the fort, hanging on for dear life to the tent tie downs...
I called my BIL the other day, we talked about a BAT, that flew into the house, MY HOUSE! Then when I asked to speak with my SIL, he said 'hold on here's the boss' cause yes that is exactly what we are, the BOSS, the SPECIAL AGENT, the SECRET AGENT, whatever it is, we are it.
We are M.O.M...a secret and very special organization if you are lucky enough to join. You have a very special initiation ceremony that takes place one special night, only to finalize in a hospital room that ends up with one very precious miracle. Our badge of honor sometimes is hours old, or maybe even day old spit up, or poop, or food or puke, or tears, or marker...Our hair is sometimes messy, in a very perfect way. Our uniform consists of whatever is the easiest and closest to pull on when running to make the bus. Usually yoga pants and an old Tshirt, some days we have our professional clothes which may even match. Our weapon depending on the day could be a crying baby, whining child or extremely stressed and tired self that can give the look of death without breaking a sweat. Our boss, we dont have one, well maybe the big guy in the sky, or whomever your deity is. We do things our own way, and we learn every day. We may break open a parenting book or website in this day of technology, we take notes and we try to do it better the next day.
Our payment, its the best, something only us Special Agent of M.O.M gets...lots of unconditional love, hugs, kisses, tears, boo boos, 1st's, 2nd's 100ths, baby toes, and runny noses and those first words. We often forget in the hustle and bustle how amazing we are as moms, and I know we judge and criticize ourselves and others...and really we are all the same. Trying to raise the best little people we can, however we can. Rich or Poor, we are all the same. Loving and hard working, unpaid, and overworked, and at the end of the day extremely, extremely overjoyed and full of happiness.
Today I got 3 kids up fed, 2 off to school, volunteered for lunch, came home played, played some more. Got eaten alive by Skeeters cause I went outside to let my kids play, then I got 3 back into bed only to start over again tomorrow. But tomorrow will be different cause its not today, and it will be better in some way.
Live, Laugh and Love.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Today is the day!
Today is the day she starts kindergarten. I prayed for this day all week. All summer it seems like. Since I was pregnant and then since Tate came home. I prayed for summer to be over for it to be just us, but now tomorrow is finally here and I am rushing them off and I want to hit the pause and rewind button. I am not ok tonight, thus why I am still awake at 1am.
I remember the moment I knew I was pregnant again...I was crying at my cousins wedding(cousin in law) crying uncontrobably in the bathroom after hearing her father daughter song... I couldn't get enough of Aunt Pats macaroni salad. We went to target a few days later and I snuck a test in the cart. He said really, I said yes really. Sure enough it was + positive!! His comment was the exact same as when we found out with Teighan, are you sure, you should take another. With Teighan I had taken like 20 before I decided that it was true...I was in denial. Anyway I was pregnant and my first little baby boy was only 9 months old. Ok life changes fast. Ultrasound at 18 weeks we along with Teighan see we are having a girl. I looked at his face, he was clearly in shock. Teighan had no clue, and neither did Sean that she was going to change our world. Or should I say rock our world.
She came into the world March 12, 2007 at 1415. She has forever changed me.
She is my whirlwind. She is my Roller coaster ride, my radio, my barefoot hippie, my sweet peach and dazzling diva, she will be the reason I drink(water) when she is 15-momhood. I pray every day that we can get along better then my mom and I do, and she still drives me crazy daily. But I love her totally and madly.
She gets on the bus tomorrow to start her school career which if I had more patience I would keep them both home and travel and teach. If I could find it in me to do all the things I want to do, I'd be a better mom but for today for now I am aware that I love her more then I realize and that tomorrow my baby girl is getting on a bus to go to kindergarten.
I know she is in good hands because Teighan also had this teacher and I know she will do well. Will she make it all day without me? Will she learn to read and write better? Will she come home missing me as much as I'm going to miss her? If I cry she cries, I can't cry tomorrow or she will. I will have to be strong for the both of us. For 5 years she was my baby and each night I went into her room(still do) and picked her up and rocked her. Apologizing for the day we may have had and enjoying the sweetness of silence, her peaceful sleeping beauty.
I take for granted the extremely loud, and always busy little girl I have. She embraces everything with so much energy and love so different from her brother. She is bubbly, and full of life and energy from the moment she wakes to the second she drifts off to sleep, and each day I pray for that sleep, not realizing that I truly enjoy her. I love watching her watch anything how she lights up. How she loves her brother, both brothers so much. She'd do anything you ask if you ask nicely, but if you are mean she shuts down completely. She is mine all mine and I'm gonna miss her.
August 31, 2012 Takoda starts kindergarten. She rides a bus for the first time, has lunch and recess has different classes like PE and art. She is so excited, and I just want to hit pause, for one more day...seems like just yesterday she was singing the "I want my boppy song" and now well now I wish I could have bottled so much of that little girl up. 5 is too close to 10 which is too close to 20 and makes me too close to old...and I'm not ready for that. The old part is fine, it's the grown up kids that is not.
I could be like the duggars, they're not crazy, they just love their children.
Here's to a successful first day for Takoda, and a tearless first day for me. Yes I will have Tate :) but each time it's different. Each one is special. She told me tonight that she doesn't want this one to be a girl. I said this one what? A baby! I am the only girl and I am special, I want to stay special cause I'm your baby girl.
Dear sweet peach of mine. You are my one and only girl. And you are my one and only you. Even if god blesses us with another girl she will not be you. You are more special then you will ever know and nothing will ever change that. I love you so very much. Don't you ever change who you are, your spirit helps me to love you even more. You are my tornado and I am so blessed to have one daily!
I remember the moment I knew I was pregnant again...I was crying at my cousins wedding(cousin in law) crying uncontrobably in the bathroom after hearing her father daughter song... I couldn't get enough of Aunt Pats macaroni salad. We went to target a few days later and I snuck a test in the cart. He said really, I said yes really. Sure enough it was + positive!! His comment was the exact same as when we found out with Teighan, are you sure, you should take another. With Teighan I had taken like 20 before I decided that it was true...I was in denial. Anyway I was pregnant and my first little baby boy was only 9 months old. Ok life changes fast. Ultrasound at 18 weeks we along with Teighan see we are having a girl. I looked at his face, he was clearly in shock. Teighan had no clue, and neither did Sean that she was going to change our world. Or should I say rock our world.
She came into the world March 12, 2007 at 1415. She has forever changed me.
She is my whirlwind. She is my Roller coaster ride, my radio, my barefoot hippie, my sweet peach and dazzling diva, she will be the reason I drink(water) when she is 15-momhood. I pray every day that we can get along better then my mom and I do, and she still drives me crazy daily. But I love her totally and madly.
She gets on the bus tomorrow to start her school career which if I had more patience I would keep them both home and travel and teach. If I could find it in me to do all the things I want to do, I'd be a better mom but for today for now I am aware that I love her more then I realize and that tomorrow my baby girl is getting on a bus to go to kindergarten.
I know she is in good hands because Teighan also had this teacher and I know she will do well. Will she make it all day without me? Will she learn to read and write better? Will she come home missing me as much as I'm going to miss her? If I cry she cries, I can't cry tomorrow or she will. I will have to be strong for the both of us. For 5 years she was my baby and each night I went into her room(still do) and picked her up and rocked her. Apologizing for the day we may have had and enjoying the sweetness of silence, her peaceful sleeping beauty.
I take for granted the extremely loud, and always busy little girl I have. She embraces everything with so much energy and love so different from her brother. She is bubbly, and full of life and energy from the moment she wakes to the second she drifts off to sleep, and each day I pray for that sleep, not realizing that I truly enjoy her. I love watching her watch anything how she lights up. How she loves her brother, both brothers so much. She'd do anything you ask if you ask nicely, but if you are mean she shuts down completely. She is mine all mine and I'm gonna miss her.
August 31, 2012 Takoda starts kindergarten. She rides a bus for the first time, has lunch and recess has different classes like PE and art. She is so excited, and I just want to hit pause, for one more day...seems like just yesterday she was singing the "I want my boppy song" and now well now I wish I could have bottled so much of that little girl up. 5 is too close to 10 which is too close to 20 and makes me too close to old...and I'm not ready for that. The old part is fine, it's the grown up kids that is not.
I could be like the duggars, they're not crazy, they just love their children.
Here's to a successful first day for Takoda, and a tearless first day for me. Yes I will have Tate :) but each time it's different. Each one is special. She told me tonight that she doesn't want this one to be a girl. I said this one what? A baby! I am the only girl and I am special, I want to stay special cause I'm your baby girl.
Dear sweet peach of mine. You are my one and only girl. And you are my one and only you. Even if god blesses us with another girl she will not be you. You are more special then you will ever know and nothing will ever change that. I love you so very much. Don't you ever change who you are, your spirit helps me to love you even more. You are my tornado and I am so blessed to have one daily!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Swim meets...
SO I thought long and hard about what I wanted to write, blog, post tonight. I border on the funny, that this morning I got up, late as usual(for me lately) rushing to get out the door to the swim meet. As I was driving I was watching the clouds dance in front of me. Wondering what the weather was supposed to do I turned on WTOP. I listened intently, hoping it would just thunder and lightening so I could go back home and crawl back into bed. But it didnt!
We got to the pool, all the while I am praying I can seek shelter before the rain. I got the kids out. Swim suits...check. Towels...check. Swim bags...check. Ok stand here, under the tail gate. Got the stroller out, the folding chair, the cooler, camera, my book(what was I thinking), diaper bag, baby carrier thing, and baby. Ok, ready to go. Mind you it has changed from drizzle to rain, a steady flow. We start walking, and the skies decided to open up, COMPLETELY! I was soaked. We were soaked, but making our way towards the pool, 50yds away.
KaBOOM. Thunder. Now, I know, after being a guard, and a swimmer, that thunder meant you GET OUT OF THE POOL! So we turned around, after having a quick shower and jump in the car. Water and all, throwing the camera, diaper bag, cooler, book, baby carrier, swim bags, kids, folding chair, baby and stroller. I didnt throw the baby or the kids...SO I climb in now drenched. My shirt is so wet I take it off. Who cares Im in my bra, I have to nurse Tate, it will just make it easier. He is screaming, I am steamed, but WHY? Because Im soaked, because my new car that I have so desperately tried to keep clean now had 4 soaked people inside dripping water? I wanted to yell, I wanted to be pissed, but something inside me clicked. WHY!
I laughed, took a picture of myself. Put a movie on for the kids and grabbed Tate for his morning snack. I got the shower I so desperately wanted at 3am after his early morning breakfast, and I didnt have to worry about changing clothes, it was all wrapped up in a nice package!
As for the swim meet it went well. Kids swam well, I have to keep telling myself they are 5 and 6. To relax, they are having fun and to STOP being so COMPETITIVE! Koda swam butterfly and did awesome was in 1st till the end, but she was 5 swimming against an 8yr old(I think).
I remember swimming in the rain, it was fun...
The rain can wash all our troubles and cares away, at least for today it did for me :)
We got to the pool, all the while I am praying I can seek shelter before the rain. I got the kids out. Swim suits...check. Towels...check. Swim bags...check. Ok stand here, under the tail gate. Got the stroller out, the folding chair, the cooler, camera, my book(what was I thinking), diaper bag, baby carrier thing, and baby. Ok, ready to go. Mind you it has changed from drizzle to rain, a steady flow. We start walking, and the skies decided to open up, COMPLETELY! I was soaked. We were soaked, but making our way towards the pool, 50yds away.
KaBOOM. Thunder. Now, I know, after being a guard, and a swimmer, that thunder meant you GET OUT OF THE POOL! So we turned around, after having a quick shower and jump in the car. Water and all, throwing the camera, diaper bag, cooler, book, baby carrier, swim bags, kids, folding chair, baby and stroller. I didnt throw the baby or the kids...SO I climb in now drenched. My shirt is so wet I take it off. Who cares Im in my bra, I have to nurse Tate, it will just make it easier. He is screaming, I am steamed, but WHY? Because Im soaked, because my new car that I have so desperately tried to keep clean now had 4 soaked people inside dripping water? I wanted to yell, I wanted to be pissed, but something inside me clicked. WHY!
I laughed, took a picture of myself. Put a movie on for the kids and grabbed Tate for his morning snack. I got the shower I so desperately wanted at 3am after his early morning breakfast, and I didnt have to worry about changing clothes, it was all wrapped up in a nice package!
As for the swim meet it went well. Kids swam well, I have to keep telling myself they are 5 and 6. To relax, they are having fun and to STOP being so COMPETITIVE! Koda swam butterfly and did awesome was in 1st till the end, but she was 5 swimming against an 8yr old(I think).
I remember swimming in the rain, it was fun...
The rain can wash all our troubles and cares away, at least for today it did for me :)
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Tornadoes...
So I have decided to write a comic, I want to start a comic although I am not sure how to start it, cant draw people worth a crap, and well have no literary talent. I barely passed English courses in HS, and skated by in College. Once I took the required entry level English, I stayed away by any means possible, taking, Greek and Roman lit, Russian womens lit, any other lit just not to take the dreaded English course.
Anyway, I digress. Tornadoes. Def. from wikipedia.. "A tornado is a violently rotating column of air ...They are often referred to as twisters or cyclones"
I say grace gently, because she is a sweet, caring, emotional little girl, but she is constantly leavingshoes, I mean shoe, and clothes, and socks, I mean sock, and jewelry, towels, underpants...whatever have you. EVERYWHERE. The bathroom, the kitchen, the bedroom, hers, mine, her brothers. Thank goodness I only have 2 floors, and 3 rooms, plus the kitchen and the main play area(which is also my formal dining room, laundry room, and den...). I find 1 sock, I loose 1 sock. I find a shoe, she looses a shoe. Im actually amazed that she still has matching socks, and shoes!
The best part about the tornado is that its not just her stuff either. Its everyones stuff. Her brothers, both of them now. Each morning she decides she wants to pick out what Tate should wear, so she brings clothes,socks and shoes downstairs, or into my room, or whereever baby and I are. I look at the outfit, matched or unmatched, and debate if it is worth making T3 super angry to change his outfit to appease her. I decide against it. She gets upset, but somehow the Tornado manages to bring the outfit with her.
Her room is a hazmat scene. I need it deemed a national emergency. Today I went in and actually saw the floor probably because I got upset with her and told her she was NOT wearing a skirt to her playdate today(it was with Blake...her BF). So she didnt have time to totally destruct her room. But over the weekend, and probably tomorrow FEMA could come and help me put it back together. Its hard too, because now she shares her room with Tate, even though he doesnt yet sleep in there.
Anyway, my comic would be about Teighan, Im thinking T-Man, need to think of a superpower for him, Koda Woman, her superpower is Tornado like destruction(I suppose like Storm) and T3, not sure yet what his name or superpower is either. Koda I watch and observe, all day, everyday.
I watch with awe and wonder at how something so sweet, can be full of such chaos and destruction, and at the same time do it all with such grace.
I watch her in the totally unmatched outfit, dance around the house dropping stuff all along her path. She told her Dad the other day, when he said she didnt match, that famous people dont match! Well she is set, fashionista here we come!
I have given up though, I suppose it comes with 3, a level of control you loose. Another part of your sainity taken. The mystery is not how to get it back but how to completely let it go and just run with it?
The tornado has hit...we are in the direct path...but for how long?
Anyway, I digress. Tornadoes. Def. from wikipedia.. "A tornado is a violently rotating column of air ...They are often referred to as twisters or cyclones"
The Tornado, a T2, look her hand is in motion, its picking up momentium!
Could we adapt this for children, specifically one child, a little girl named Takoda? I have decided that she is my tornado, a violently spinning mass, picking up and dropping things along her path of distruction, chaos, and grace. I say grace gently, because she is a sweet, caring, emotional little girl, but she is constantly leaving
The best part about the tornado is that its not just her stuff either. Its everyones stuff. Her brothers, both of them now. Each morning she decides she wants to pick out what Tate should wear, so she brings clothes,socks and shoes downstairs, or into my room, or whereever baby and I are. I look at the outfit, matched or unmatched, and debate if it is worth making T3 super angry to change his outfit to appease her. I decide against it. She gets upset, but somehow the Tornado manages to bring the outfit with her.
Her room is a hazmat scene. I need it deemed a national emergency. Today I went in and actually saw the floor probably because I got upset with her and told her she was NOT wearing a skirt to her playdate today(it was with Blake...her BF). So she didnt have time to totally destruct her room. But over the weekend, and probably tomorrow FEMA could come and help me put it back together. Its hard too, because now she shares her room with Tate, even though he doesnt yet sleep in there.
Anyway, my comic would be about Teighan, Im thinking T-Man, need to think of a superpower for him, Koda Woman, her superpower is Tornado like destruction(I suppose like Storm) and T3, not sure yet what his name or superpower is either. Koda I watch and observe, all day, everyday.
I watch with awe and wonder at how something so sweet, can be full of such chaos and destruction, and at the same time do it all with such grace.
I watch her in the totally unmatched outfit, dance around the house dropping stuff all along her path. She told her Dad the other day, when he said she didnt match, that famous people dont match! Well she is set, fashionista here we come!
I have given up though, I suppose it comes with 3, a level of control you loose. Another part of your sainity taken. The mystery is not how to get it back but how to completely let it go and just run with it?
The tornado has hit...we are in the direct path...but for how long?
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mothers Day
SO 7am...I wake up after going to bed at 1am not too bad considering I do have a 1mo old. He slept really well last night, he also nursed for an hour and a half, and I offered him 50ml of breastmilk cause he seemed fussy. This is not the case at all, he just prefers the boob to a pacifier, although he will accept a finger, either the pinkie(Sean's) or the ring finger(mine) as a far off second. So he slept, he should have, he probably had 4oz at least in his belly.
So back to waking up, I found my Mothers Day cards for my mom and my MIL last night and signed them and put them for Sean to sign if he wanted to. Didnt know if he got cards or not, but as I was nursing T3 this morning, I heard scratching(like a pen on paper) so I figured he remembered. I pretended I didnt hear this, somewhat expecting a card shortly...but I didnt get one.
I mentioned the cards for the MIL's and he said he got one for his mom so I went back to my focus at hand a little one latched for dear life onto my nipple. I then heard him say the kids, we didnt get cards from the kids. I said have them make some. So he went downstairs and had them make theirs.
Still waiting and wondering, I finished and got dressed. T came up giving me my card from them, and said I looked pretty and Happy Mothers Day. We all went to breakfast, which was delicious and probably enough calories for the whole day. Then we ventured to the mall to pick up the mothers day presents I had ordered for the moms, and friends in my life, pictures of the kids, all of them :)
When we finally got back home, we Sean and I were standing in our bedroom and I realized that I didnt get a card from him, so something prompted him to say something about buying something(I dont remember what exactly). So I saidkiddingly seriously...Kiddingly :) Hi honey, xoxoxo, did you get me a card too? Oh, honey, he followed me into the bathroom as I was going to use the bathroom and said, whispering in my ear "I found those in my drawer...from last year". OH, ok you are off the hook, so you didnt just forget me, you totally forgot, and just got lucky that you had a mom and mommy one for me and your mom. OK, phew, I thought for a minute he just forgot his wife, that just had a baby, and well broke doctors orders already, well quite a few times for quite a few things, I dont listen very well. I suppose this is why my children dont listen very well either, lead by example they say...
Anyway, he then said, as I am sitting on the toliet, that he DID get me a card, it was a pop up, and all I had to do is pull the zipper to get it...LOL
So back to waking up, I found my Mothers Day cards for my mom and my MIL last night and signed them and put them for Sean to sign if he wanted to. Didnt know if he got cards or not, but as I was nursing T3 this morning, I heard scratching(like a pen on paper) so I figured he remembered. I pretended I didnt hear this, somewhat expecting a card shortly...but I didnt get one.
I mentioned the cards for the MIL's and he said he got one for his mom so I went back to my focus at hand a little one latched for dear life onto my nipple. I then heard him say the kids, we didnt get cards from the kids. I said have them make some. So he went downstairs and had them make theirs.
Still waiting and wondering, I finished and got dressed. T came up giving me my card from them, and said I looked pretty and Happy Mothers Day. We all went to breakfast, which was delicious and probably enough calories for the whole day. Then we ventured to the mall to pick up the mothers day presents I had ordered for the moms, and friends in my life, pictures of the kids, all of them :)
When we finally got back home, we Sean and I were standing in our bedroom and I realized that I didnt get a card from him, so something prompted him to say something about buying something(I dont remember what exactly). So I said
Anyway, he then said, as I am sitting on the toliet, that he DID get me a card, it was a pop up, and all I had to do is pull the zipper to get it...LOL
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Sex?
Sex...
Sex.....
Sex......
6 weeks for sex? Really, why? I dunno. C'mon...
We are going to be in trouble.
You are looking for trouble...
There is going to be a T4...
Sex...
I laugh, and laugh, and laugh and Im not laughing at anyone, just the situation. It is hard to be married to a man that well...you could...you know ANYTIME, ANYWHERE...no holds bard...
BUT, 6 weeks....
He goes back on the road(before 6 weeks!!!) and then our natural birth control starts again, if he isnt here...
BUT, SEX!
I am thinking just the same way he does, cause, well, its hard to be married to a man that you, well...I wrote it above.
Im thinking that we shouldnt be able to go vacationing on our own for a while cause trouble will be cumming....LOL
Its good though, being married to a man who still does that to you each time you see him, especially Neked...and apparently even after 3 babies, 3 csections he still wants you the same way :)
Like I have said before I am blessed, I am thankful we found each other in the bar that night...even though we only talked and didnt see each other again for a month or so...he never left my mind(I suppose I left his, he was pretty drunk...but thats not the story Ive heard)
So Sex. There shouldnt be any reason why anyone gets embarrased by reading this, or thinking about it(SEX) it is good and healthy. I feel sad for the people out there who arent getting any, I can understand why people could cheat after years and years of not getting any, it is important for any relationship to stay healthy, so go out and get you some!
Sex.....
Sex......
6 weeks for sex? Really, why? I dunno. C'mon...
We are going to be in trouble.
You are looking for trouble...
There is going to be a T4...
Sex...
I laugh, and laugh, and laugh and Im not laughing at anyone, just the situation. It is hard to be married to a man that well...you could...you know ANYTIME, ANYWHERE...no holds bard...
BUT, 6 weeks....
He goes back on the road(before 6 weeks!!!) and then our natural birth control starts again, if he isnt here...
BUT, SEX!
I am thinking just the same way he does, cause, well, its hard to be married to a man that you, well...I wrote it above.
Im thinking that we shouldnt be able to go vacationing on our own for a while cause trouble will be cumming....LOL
Its good though, being married to a man who still does that to you each time you see him, especially Neked...and apparently even after 3 babies, 3 csections he still wants you the same way :)
Like I have said before I am blessed, I am thankful we found each other in the bar that night...even though we only talked and didnt see each other again for a month or so...he never left my mind(I suppose I left his, he was pretty drunk...but thats not the story Ive heard)
So Sex. There shouldnt be any reason why anyone gets embarrased by reading this, or thinking about it(SEX) it is good and healthy. I feel sad for the people out there who arent getting any, I can understand why people could cheat after years and years of not getting any, it is important for any relationship to stay healthy, so go out and get you some!
Transition...
So I thought that the transition from being pregnant to having a newborn would be much easier then this. However I forgot that I have 2 older children that need me a lot and have lots of activities.
I call this transition, the point where I go from being a mom to a 6 and 5 year old to being a mom to a newborn, then a mom to a 5 and 6 year old. I put it this way because my priority right now has to be Tate, then Koda then Teighan. Although T is my most sensitive child, I think this new baby has hit K much harder then T. My priority the past few months has been T, with helping with school and reading, but now he is truckin on, all by himself so he is ok. Still needs me to look over his reading sometimes he misses words or doesnt read them right, but for the most part he is ok.
K needs me right now, which is really hard because T3 takes a lot of my time. K is very mopy and sad. If I cry(because I am stressed or because Tate hasnt been eating well...another blog) she cries hysterically and I cant get her to settle. The first night I read them stories after T3 was born, I cried and then they cried. It was a crying fest. It is much harder then I thought. Since Sean has been travelling since K was 6mo old, its basically always been me solo, and them. We had our routine, everynight same thing, baths, stories, bed. Now Im lucky if I get upstairs for bath and bed(myself).
T3 is doing well, not really gaining weight and not nursing well(even though there is plenty of milk) so this has been an issue for me. I am now supplementing pumped milk, but I am nursing, pumping, feeding, nursing, pumping, feeding......
Thank goodness Sean is still home to help out I dont know what will happen on Monday when he goes back to work, then on the 24 is his first trip, 6 days...Everyone says I will fall right back into my routine, and I probably will, I am just nervous.
I am the type of mom(unfortuantely) that beats herself up if she doesnt do the best for her kids all the time. If I dont spend enough time with each of them, or read to them, or help with homework, or make lunch...I will have a heartattack, from focusing so much on them(or others) then myself. I need to allow myself to slip, and fall sometimes.
I am lucky to have a great pediatrician who reminds me of this. Who reminded me that if TnT watch a little too much TV, or eat a little unhealthy, or go to bed without a bath they will live. I gave them 100% attention the first year although K had to share with T and now both TnT have to share with T3...and I have to learn how to divide my time, and still have my sanity.
So transition has been much harder then I thought, when people ask me if Im happy not to be pregnant anymore, I answer NO. I enjoyed being pregnant, if I didnt have csections, I would have more...who knows, maybe there will be a T4 :)
Being pregnant I still could do my routine, now I just have to figure out a new one, maybe K gets to school really early, or a few minutes late, its only a few more weeks. Maybe T has to become more self relient and walk to and from the bus stop by himself some mornings. Maybe T3 has to wait a little longer to nurse or earlier...I dunno.
All I do know is I am blessed to have 3 healthy children, lucky to have a wonderful, loving, helpful husband, and its ok if my house is messy, and my hair not perfect as long as we are all happy!
Now to get in some me time...0;)
I call this transition, the point where I go from being a mom to a 6 and 5 year old to being a mom to a newborn, then a mom to a 5 and 6 year old. I put it this way because my priority right now has to be Tate, then Koda then Teighan. Although T is my most sensitive child, I think this new baby has hit K much harder then T. My priority the past few months has been T, with helping with school and reading, but now he is truckin on, all by himself so he is ok. Still needs me to look over his reading sometimes he misses words or doesnt read them right, but for the most part he is ok.
K needs me right now, which is really hard because T3 takes a lot of my time. K is very mopy and sad. If I cry(because I am stressed or because Tate hasnt been eating well...another blog) she cries hysterically and I cant get her to settle. The first night I read them stories after T3 was born, I cried and then they cried. It was a crying fest. It is much harder then I thought. Since Sean has been travelling since K was 6mo old, its basically always been me solo, and them. We had our routine, everynight same thing, baths, stories, bed. Now Im lucky if I get upstairs for bath and bed(myself).
T3 is doing well, not really gaining weight and not nursing well(even though there is plenty of milk) so this has been an issue for me. I am now supplementing pumped milk, but I am nursing, pumping, feeding, nursing, pumping, feeding......
Thank goodness Sean is still home to help out I dont know what will happen on Monday when he goes back to work, then on the 24 is his first trip, 6 days...Everyone says I will fall right back into my routine, and I probably will, I am just nervous.
I am the type of mom(unfortuantely) that beats herself up if she doesnt do the best for her kids all the time. If I dont spend enough time with each of them, or read to them, or help with homework, or make lunch...I will have a heartattack, from focusing so much on them(or others) then myself. I need to allow myself to slip, and fall sometimes.
I am lucky to have a great pediatrician who reminds me of this. Who reminded me that if TnT watch a little too much TV, or eat a little unhealthy, or go to bed without a bath they will live. I gave them 100% attention the first year although K had to share with T and now both TnT have to share with T3...and I have to learn how to divide my time, and still have my sanity.
So transition has been much harder then I thought, when people ask me if Im happy not to be pregnant anymore, I answer NO. I enjoyed being pregnant, if I didnt have csections, I would have more...who knows, maybe there will be a T4 :)
Being pregnant I still could do my routine, now I just have to figure out a new one, maybe K gets to school really early, or a few minutes late, its only a few more weeks. Maybe T has to become more self relient and walk to and from the bus stop by himself some mornings. Maybe T3 has to wait a little longer to nurse or earlier...I dunno.
All I do know is I am blessed to have 3 healthy children, lucky to have a wonderful, loving, helpful husband, and its ok if my house is messy, and my hair not perfect as long as we are all happy!
Now to get in some me time...0;)
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Breastfeeding sucks...literally!
So most of you that know me, know I breastfed both my children and now plan on doing so with Tate. I had set backs with Teighan, and Takoda and now with Tate as well. With Teighan I ended up with Mastitis, and Yeast and he got thrush, it was painful but I was determined and we got through it, he nursed for 10 months until I found out we were pregnant with Takoda. Takoda made my nipples sore and cracked, but we got through it too. She nursed till 15 months, only. She never took a bottle, neither did Teighan.
Tate has now lost a pound. Which adds up to 20% of his birth weight. However if you look into this, babys of csection mothers tend to take on some of the iv fluids and may weigh more then actually are supposed to. Anyway, he isnt nusring correctly, my nipples are sore, but I am making plenty of milk. Sean is giving him a bottle(which I hate only cause it makes me feel like I am not doing something right) but he is slow on the bottle too...
He is a lazy boy, he sleeps a lot and that is probably because right now his bilirubin levels are high too. But he is peeing and pooping and seems somewhat satisfied.
Anyway, I am still sore, and frusterated and pumping and frusterated and sore....so I called lactation and made an appointment. The LC called me back and we talked for a while, after she had told me about a website called hands on pumping. So I pulled up the video on google and watched it. Teighan decided he wanted to watch it with me. They are so curious, I suppose to some mothers this is weird, but for me its just natural, boobs were made to make milk and for babies to eat, first place, second place for sexual stuff(but he doesnt know about that yet). Anyway he decided to watch it with me, and decided it was really important for me to do what they were telling me to do so that I can make enough milk for Tate. He also told me I needed to buy a white thing to put over my boobies so that I can use my hands and make more milk. Then he asked me how I make milk and I tried to explain that, but if you are interested in watching the video...as I thought about it...thinking this is probably not appropiate for him to be watching, but I have nursed in front of him with Koda(he probably doesnt remember) and now with Tate. I have also pumped, our house is small, and I have no special place to go, plus with the csection I stay on one level all day, so that is the downstairs so I can eat too!
So my son of 6 years will be schooled in breastfeeding...Opps. But he stays by my side and is so curious, should I tell him no, or just let this natural process be natural, its not like I am letting him watch people doing other things...but now adays...its on cartoons anyway.
Oh well, breastfeeding sucks, my kids will know more about boobs, and breastmilk, and babies poop and well, thats great!
lol
Tate has now lost a pound. Which adds up to 20% of his birth weight. However if you look into this, babys of csection mothers tend to take on some of the iv fluids and may weigh more then actually are supposed to. Anyway, he isnt nusring correctly, my nipples are sore, but I am making plenty of milk. Sean is giving him a bottle(which I hate only cause it makes me feel like I am not doing something right) but he is slow on the bottle too...
He is a lazy boy, he sleeps a lot and that is probably because right now his bilirubin levels are high too. But he is peeing and pooping and seems somewhat satisfied.
Anyway, I am still sore, and frusterated and pumping and frusterated and sore....so I called lactation and made an appointment. The LC called me back and we talked for a while, after she had told me about a website called hands on pumping. So I pulled up the video on google and watched it. Teighan decided he wanted to watch it with me. They are so curious, I suppose to some mothers this is weird, but for me its just natural, boobs were made to make milk and for babies to eat, first place, second place for sexual stuff(but he doesnt know about that yet). Anyway he decided to watch it with me, and decided it was really important for me to do what they were telling me to do so that I can make enough milk for Tate. He also told me I needed to buy a white thing to put over my boobies so that I can use my hands and make more milk. Then he asked me how I make milk and I tried to explain that, but if you are interested in watching the video...as I thought about it...thinking this is probably not appropiate for him to be watching, but I have nursed in front of him with Koda(he probably doesnt remember) and now with Tate. I have also pumped, our house is small, and I have no special place to go, plus with the csection I stay on one level all day, so that is the downstairs so I can eat too!
So my son of 6 years will be schooled in breastfeeding...Opps. But he stays by my side and is so curious, should I tell him no, or just let this natural process be natural, its not like I am letting him watch people doing other things...but now adays...its on cartoons anyway.
Oh well, breastfeeding sucks, my kids will know more about boobs, and breastmilk, and babies poop and well, thats great!
lol
Saturday, April 14, 2012
A new baby, a blessing...
When we started this week, Monday April 9 we had a family of four. 2 boys, 2 girls...and one dog. Tuesday our lives changed as we embraced a new life into the world. Tuesday at 1106 am, Tate Declan MacDougall was born to Sean and Asheley MacDougall. Joining brother Teighan and sister Takoda.
Starting this journey was a bumpy road as I had a very rough first trimester bleeding for the first 13 weeks, and so sick with traditional morning sickness and my other GI issues. When I, we made it to 20 weeks I decided I did not want to find out the sex of our baby. It didn't really matter anyway since at home we had a boy and a girl. I just wanted to know that baby was healthy, after all my early complications. Baby was, so healthy and unphased by what was going on with me.
I know people have questioned this pregnancy, but for those of you who know me I truely wanted another baby, for a long time. If I hadn't had csections I would have more even now, and he is only 4 days old! Don't judge me. I am blessed to have a very amazing husband who really loves and gets me, also to be blessed to have the ability to have healthy and (I'm biased) beautiful children. We do good together, we make a good team, a sometimes lonely team but maybe that is what has made the journey that much sweeter.
So no this wasn't an oops baby, not a surprise, but an adventure planned with careful precision and skill if I may say so myself. God had his hands. In this work too! To not believe that is just, silly.
So anyway, What's in a Name? We had a list of names, like 10 or so for boys, maybe 7 for girls. So many ideas flying around in our heads, and with the surprise of the birth...waiting to see if we were having a boy or girl, names got less important at least in the delivery room, or operating room in our case.
We were asked not to bring anything except us and the camera, so silly us left our list of names in the car. We talked about a handful of names after he was born, the problem when you aren't sure what you are having is that your not sure what name to pick, we just wanted it to be a strong name either way boy or girl. It was hard don't get me wrong, a blessing and lovely surpirse when Sean announced he, was a boy! I loved that he got to say it and not the doctors, of course they asked us gave us that option.
Anyway, I digress. We at first decided Taggart. We had the name on our list and liked it, but it wasn't our number one. After we talked a lot, we decided that Tate fit him much better. So on Friday April 13, 2012 we called and texted and told our friends that we had originally told that his name is Tate.
Starting this journey was a bumpy road as I had a very rough first trimester bleeding for the first 13 weeks, and so sick with traditional morning sickness and my other GI issues. When I, we made it to 20 weeks I decided I did not want to find out the sex of our baby. It didn't really matter anyway since at home we had a boy and a girl. I just wanted to know that baby was healthy, after all my early complications. Baby was, so healthy and unphased by what was going on with me.
I know people have questioned this pregnancy, but for those of you who know me I truely wanted another baby, for a long time. If I hadn't had csections I would have more even now, and he is only 4 days old! Don't judge me. I am blessed to have a very amazing husband who really loves and gets me, also to be blessed to have the ability to have healthy and (I'm biased) beautiful children. We do good together, we make a good team, a sometimes lonely team but maybe that is what has made the journey that much sweeter.
So no this wasn't an oops baby, not a surprise, but an adventure planned with careful precision and skill if I may say so myself. God had his hands. In this work too! To not believe that is just, silly.
So anyway, What's in a Name? We had a list of names, like 10 or so for boys, maybe 7 for girls. So many ideas flying around in our heads, and with the surprise of the birth...waiting to see if we were having a boy or girl, names got less important at least in the delivery room, or operating room in our case.
We were asked not to bring anything except us and the camera, so silly us left our list of names in the car. We talked about a handful of names after he was born, the problem when you aren't sure what you are having is that your not sure what name to pick, we just wanted it to be a strong name either way boy or girl. It was hard don't get me wrong, a blessing and lovely surpirse when Sean announced he, was a boy! I loved that he got to say it and not the doctors, of course they asked us gave us that option.
Anyway, I digress. We at first decided Taggart. We had the name on our list and liked it, but it wasn't our number one. After we talked a lot, we decided that Tate fit him much better. So on Friday April 13, 2012 we called and texted and told our friends that we had originally told that his name is Tate.
If we were to go down this road once again, I think I would find out what I was having, only to save me a headache in the name game, as it is a very important and stressful part of the journey. What is in a Name, a rose that smells so sweet?
Mommy and baby are doing well, mommy is a little emotional, as to be expected I suppose...with not sleeping and up all night :) missing my role as primary care giver. A good friend told me to change my view, my outlook. Instead of thinking that I am missing out, think that I am giving in, to what is most important right now and taking care of myself and him, since Sean doesn't have the boobies...
I have a wonderful and amazing husband, who else would help their wife wash after a csection, and help wash their private areas? I suppose there are a few of us lucky ones and I am blessed to be one :)
So I'm not sure how much I will be blogging now, I am super busy and am not sleeping, but I will check in from time to time...have to update Tate's growth and Sean's antics as he had me laughing, yes laughing so hard last night for nothing. I was crying begging him to leave to stop cause it really really hurts! But at least we can still laugh together, at each other and with each other.
Hugs, love and kisses from now a family of 5 :)
Monday, April 2, 2012
No, means what exactly?
So I say NO, NO, NO, NO. I read the other day an article about what words moms shouldnt say. Besides the obvious 4 letter ones, there was Hate, Stupid, Gay, a couple others I cant remember and NO. No really? We cant say NO, they what do we say? Yes? "Mommy can I play with the electrical socket?" "Why Yes dear, go right ahead..."
I am all for trying to let our kids grow in a world where they learn right from wrong by doing, but really NO is a word we shouldnt say now?
I say NO probably over 1000x in a day, which sucks. I hate, opps...dont like saying NO. It doesnt sink in, and they dont understand what No means.
No, you cant take that toy outside, No you cant have ice cream for breakfast, NO I am not buying sugar cereal(I know Im a mean mom), NO, NO, NO!!!!!
I want to say why dont you be the mom and I be the child? You can tell me no, No mom I dont want to, No mom Im busy, NO mom I wont eat that. I hear it, I understand it. I remember, uh she said NO, she didnt like spinach so I wont serve it again. But when I say NO, to the same question for the 1000th time, when does No sink in?
Is there another world instead of NO, another way to make the NO reason sink in? I am not a mean mom, we just cant buy everything they see...and so once again I am forced to say NO...but I want so badly to say YES.
Yesterday we were in the grocery store, after our trip to target and whole foods. In target a few 'I wants' were asked, I had to say no. I want this candy, NO, I want this easter basket(we already have 2) so NO, can I buy this its only 4.65...NO. I try to explain why, but before I can say because it is off to a new want or NEED.
The thing is I am not sure I had half the things my kids do and I was only 1. I definately had my share of stuff dont get me wrong, but mine have 2 of each(most things) if he gets a bean bag chair, she has to have one...its not my mentality but my mom always buys in 2.
Now with baby 3 on the way, will we become in 3s? Teighan wants a paddleboard, do I end up buying 3? How do you reinforce that there are times it is for Koda, times things are for Teighan and now going to be times just for the baby?
Yesterday before our excursion we were at soccer, and Teighan expected a snack(he is not on the team he is the brother of a player on the team). When he didnt get something he got extremely upset. I try and try to explain that sometimes things are just for her, but it doesnt sink in.
Back to the grocery store, we were in the cereal isle, they want so badly to buy the sugar cereal(lucky charms, cookie crisp...) I again am not a mean mom. I have bought these, and I have thrown a whole box away. I learned my lesson, you dont like them, and I hate, opps...dont like cereal at all. So No, the NO's were flying like a drunkin sailor shouts out profanity...I even left, my cart and all right there and decided to leave the grocery store. Of course we had breakfast today, so I caved and went back in to get the groceries we needed...
When is enough enough? I went to bed last night so upset with them and myself, trying to reason with a 5 and 6 year old isnt working. Only causes me much unnecessary stress, but shouldnt NO be enough?
I am all for trying to let our kids grow in a world where they learn right from wrong by doing, but really NO is a word we shouldnt say now?
I say NO probably over 1000x in a day, which sucks. I hate, opps...dont like saying NO. It doesnt sink in, and they dont understand what No means.
No, you cant take that toy outside, No you cant have ice cream for breakfast, NO I am not buying sugar cereal(I know Im a mean mom), NO, NO, NO!!!!!
I want to say why dont you be the mom and I be the child? You can tell me no, No mom I dont want to, No mom Im busy, NO mom I wont eat that. I hear it, I understand it. I remember, uh she said NO, she didnt like spinach so I wont serve it again. But when I say NO, to the same question for the 1000th time, when does No sink in?
Is there another world instead of NO, another way to make the NO reason sink in? I am not a mean mom, we just cant buy everything they see...and so once again I am forced to say NO...but I want so badly to say YES.
Yesterday we were in the grocery store, after our trip to target and whole foods. In target a few 'I wants' were asked, I had to say no. I want this candy, NO, I want this easter basket(we already have 2) so NO, can I buy this its only 4.65...NO. I try to explain why, but before I can say because it is off to a new want or NEED.
The thing is I am not sure I had half the things my kids do and I was only 1. I definately had my share of stuff dont get me wrong, but mine have 2 of each(most things) if he gets a bean bag chair, she has to have one...its not my mentality but my mom always buys in 2.
Now with baby 3 on the way, will we become in 3s? Teighan wants a paddleboard, do I end up buying 3? How do you reinforce that there are times it is for Koda, times things are for Teighan and now going to be times just for the baby?
Yesterday before our excursion we were at soccer, and Teighan expected a snack(he is not on the team he is the brother of a player on the team). When he didnt get something he got extremely upset. I try and try to explain that sometimes things are just for her, but it doesnt sink in.
Back to the grocery store, we were in the cereal isle, they want so badly to buy the sugar cereal(lucky charms, cookie crisp...) I again am not a mean mom. I have bought these, and I have thrown a whole box away. I learned my lesson, you dont like them, and I hate, opps...dont like cereal at all. So No, the NO's were flying like a drunkin sailor shouts out profanity...I even left, my cart and all right there and decided to leave the grocery store. Of course we had breakfast today, so I caved and went back in to get the groceries we needed...
When is enough enough? I went to bed last night so upset with them and myself, trying to reason with a 5 and 6 year old isnt working. Only causes me much unnecessary stress, but shouldnt NO be enough?
Monday, March 19, 2012
I love my husband...he makes me laugh
Usually I wouldnt post about my hubby, or any specifics...but this weekend was just too funny not to share. Of course kids in the mix make things even more interesting but I think sometimes we forget why we started this journey in the first place...
So Friday night, it was a long, and miserable day on my side. Kids were good, but my stress levels were high, plus having GI pain didnt make it fun. So when I am upset or in a mood I just usually grunt or groan to questions asked...He has deemed me the HULK, my nickname is ASHELEY SMASH...reminds me of another nickname deemed in college...but I digress. So when I get in a 'mood' he now says ASHELEY SMASH, which takes my mind off of the situation and I laugh, cause it is funny.
Friday night however I was in another place, ASHELEY-LAND, you must visit. It is the best place, there are no worries, no bills, people are naked, there is no pain, suffering and oh of course it is on the beach. Now I had never really thought much about my delusional fantisies, when I say 'Lets just move and we will worry about work later..." He however has made my ASHELEY-LAND into a real place. I didnt think what it would look like or who would be allowed in...but definately my immediate family, S, T, T and O, of course my neruotic dog would have to be there. Other then that I have a few...prime spots for people, but they would have to be happy-go-lucky...and open to anything and everything. I never really thought about the clothes either, but naked is good. It leaves no room for fighting about what designer brand you are wearing that day...loin cloths and 'booby covers' as my kids would say could be optional. Awesome weather everyday, perfect temperature for watersports. Oh and education would be key, so I would need to find a teacher, open to teaching outside, and about nature, and life...and of course the other stuff. Anyway, I digress.
As he was going on, about he wishes he could visit ASHELEY-LAND, about how wonderful and worryfree it is there, I was laughing. I laughed so hard I thought that baby3 was going to make an apperance. He said to me, this isnt really that funny, why are you laughing. I suppose because no one has ever made my crazy little mind a reality before, or just his matter of fact attitude as he was talking about my 'world'.
Anyway, yesterday he got me going again. We had to do some house shopping, groceries and what not. We went to target and we needed toilet paper. Well the 18 pack was on sale so we bought 2. Oh and we have 12 rolls at home. So after we check out, he says we will just push the cart down to whole foods. I said we couldnt because there is a device that disables the cart once it is taken outside. He didnt believe me, but there is. At Target Annapolis, Md they're carts are equiped with some special locking mechanisim...he saw the sign, we were laughing the whole time, because after all it is just a shopping cart! So we grabbed our toilet paper, and walked through the door. There was a lonely cart that made it 5 feet from the door, he had to, couldnt just walk by it. He had to test it out. I told him I tried, I tried hard, like really carts dont have brains...but he pushed, and pushed and that cart wouldnt budge. Then he said, we could just wheelie it, that might work...LOL
OK, toilet paper. As we are walking, we pass lots of people, it is Sunday evening after all, and people are out because it is a beautiful day. He is carrying 2 large 18 packs of toilet paper. I suppose he noticed people looking at him, or something triggered this next comment. "Man do you think people think we poop(he said a different word) a lot in our house"..."I would think that, if someone bought all this toilet paper, I bet the lady at the check out said to herself, man these people 'poop' alot. Why do they need so much toilet paper"...I had to stop walking I was laughing so hard.
So thats it! We poop a lot. My daughter uses half a roll for pee, none for poop...my son, who knows he is in there a half hour or more, I just leave it alone. Hubby...well I dunno either. If you remember my first post Im in and out as quick as I can...so not too much toilet paper. But everyone poops. Everyone stinks and everyone needs toilet paper!
So Friday night, it was a long, and miserable day on my side. Kids were good, but my stress levels were high, plus having GI pain didnt make it fun. So when I am upset or in a mood I just usually grunt or groan to questions asked...He has deemed me the HULK, my nickname is ASHELEY SMASH...reminds me of another nickname deemed in college...but I digress. So when I get in a 'mood' he now says ASHELEY SMASH, which takes my mind off of the situation and I laugh, cause it is funny.
Friday night however I was in another place, ASHELEY-LAND, you must visit. It is the best place, there are no worries, no bills, people are naked, there is no pain, suffering and oh of course it is on the beach. Now I had never really thought much about my delusional fantisies, when I say 'Lets just move and we will worry about work later..." He however has made my ASHELEY-LAND into a real place. I didnt think what it would look like or who would be allowed in...but definately my immediate family, S, T, T and O, of course my neruotic dog would have to be there. Other then that I have a few...prime spots for people, but they would have to be happy-go-lucky...and open to anything and everything. I never really thought about the clothes either, but naked is good. It leaves no room for fighting about what designer brand you are wearing that day...loin cloths and 'booby covers' as my kids would say could be optional. Awesome weather everyday, perfect temperature for watersports. Oh and education would be key, so I would need to find a teacher, open to teaching outside, and about nature, and life...and of course the other stuff. Anyway, I digress.
As he was going on, about he wishes he could visit ASHELEY-LAND, about how wonderful and worryfree it is there, I was laughing. I laughed so hard I thought that baby3 was going to make an apperance. He said to me, this isnt really that funny, why are you laughing. I suppose because no one has ever made my crazy little mind a reality before, or just his matter of fact attitude as he was talking about my 'world'.
Anyway, yesterday he got me going again. We had to do some house shopping, groceries and what not. We went to target and we needed toilet paper. Well the 18 pack was on sale so we bought 2. Oh and we have 12 rolls at home. So after we check out, he says we will just push the cart down to whole foods. I said we couldnt because there is a device that disables the cart once it is taken outside. He didnt believe me, but there is. At Target Annapolis, Md they're carts are equiped with some special locking mechanisim...he saw the sign, we were laughing the whole time, because after all it is just a shopping cart! So we grabbed our toilet paper, and walked through the door. There was a lonely cart that made it 5 feet from the door, he had to, couldnt just walk by it. He had to test it out. I told him I tried, I tried hard, like really carts dont have brains...but he pushed, and pushed and that cart wouldnt budge. Then he said, we could just wheelie it, that might work...LOL
OK, toilet paper. As we are walking, we pass lots of people, it is Sunday evening after all, and people are out because it is a beautiful day. He is carrying 2 large 18 packs of toilet paper. I suppose he noticed people looking at him, or something triggered this next comment. "Man do you think people think we poop(he said a different word) a lot in our house"..."I would think that, if someone bought all this toilet paper, I bet the lady at the check out said to herself, man these people 'poop' alot. Why do they need so much toilet paper"...I had to stop walking I was laughing so hard.
So thats it! We poop a lot. My daughter uses half a roll for pee, none for poop...my son, who knows he is in there a half hour or more, I just leave it alone. Hubby...well I dunno either. If you remember my first post Im in and out as quick as I can...so not too much toilet paper. But everyone poops. Everyone stinks and everyone needs toilet paper!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Guns...and other boy things
So a few weeks ago we were at target to pick up a few things. I remembered while we were there that my hubby's birthday was coming up soon and we should pick him up a card.
So there we stood, the 3 of us staring at the vast arrangement of birthday cards. Teighan is now reading so he could find the DADDY cards, and was looking through them. Takoda thinks she can read, and would bring me just any card and say this is the one. One was for Uncle, one was from the dog, and one was get well...so I let Teighan pick the card he read. Very simple one that said Happy Birthday to the Worlds Greatest Dad.
Takoda immediately threw a fit, "why cant I get him a card too?"
"Well you both can make something special from you to put with the card, ok?"
"Like what?", Teighan said
"Anything Daddy likes, you can draw him a picture or...(got cut off)
Teighan as loud as he could, MAKE HIM A GUN! Daddy likes guns, we could make him a gun.
"Or you could draw him a gun, I suppose"
No we will make him a gun, well, Im not sure really how to make him a gun, OH OH OH we can make him a sling shot.
Now Im thinking, are these people around me hearing this, will DFS becomeing to get me in a minute. Is it wrong to talk about guns? Wait did he say slingshot, how does he know about slingshots, does he know about the rubberband and 2 pencils...OH GOD.
Ok, well lets go.
So we leave target, get home and we are still on the gun and slingshot idea. Both kids go to their legos to start making guns, and they do, they make amazing gun prototypes with their legos.
Now Im not sure if I have mentioned this, but my son is the son of a cop, and so therefore he is obsessed with Cops, Firemen, military men all of that stuff. On the other hand he also really loves his comics, but most comic or super heros have a weapon.
You can not wear anything that resembles a weapon to schoool, you can not bring any toy that has a weapon or looks like a weapon to school, I wonder if he mentioned guns or slingshots at school if I would get a call home.
His 100day project(idea thought of with his Grandma) was 100 handcuffs safty pinned to his Dad's old Police work hat. To make handcuffs he put 2 key chain rings together. Looked pretty cool, but I did worry if he would get in trouble.(He didnt thank goodness)
He did take in a helicopter early in the school year, a helicopter. A transformer helicopter but we made sure the guns were off and it was in the helicopter mode not the robot or alien mode. It did have a trigger...I didnt think of this. When the trigger was pulled it made the blades on the helicopter go around. He DID get in trouble for this.
So how do you crush the dreams of a young boy, I just let him be. Look at what he brings into school, dont buy him superhero shirts unless they have NO WEAPONS on them and when we are at home, if he wants to play with the guns, or pretend to be a cop or robber...then I just let him be.
But do you remember the days of BIG DOG shirts or The 'Johnson' shirts...
So there we stood, the 3 of us staring at the vast arrangement of birthday cards. Teighan is now reading so he could find the DADDY cards, and was looking through them. Takoda thinks she can read, and would bring me just any card and say this is the one. One was for Uncle, one was from the dog, and one was get well...so I let Teighan pick the card he read. Very simple one that said Happy Birthday to the Worlds Greatest Dad.
Takoda immediately threw a fit, "why cant I get him a card too?"
"Well you both can make something special from you to put with the card, ok?"
"Like what?", Teighan said
"Anything Daddy likes, you can draw him a picture or...(got cut off)
Teighan as loud as he could, MAKE HIM A GUN! Daddy likes guns, we could make him a gun.
"Or you could draw him a gun, I suppose"
No we will make him a gun, well, Im not sure really how to make him a gun, OH OH OH we can make him a sling shot.
Now Im thinking, are these people around me hearing this, will DFS becomeing to get me in a minute. Is it wrong to talk about guns? Wait did he say slingshot, how does he know about slingshots, does he know about the rubberband and 2 pencils...OH GOD.
Ok, well lets go.
So we leave target, get home and we are still on the gun and slingshot idea. Both kids go to their legos to start making guns, and they do, they make amazing gun prototypes with their legos.
Now Im not sure if I have mentioned this, but my son is the son of a cop, and so therefore he is obsessed with Cops, Firemen, military men all of that stuff. On the other hand he also really loves his comics, but most comic or super heros have a weapon.
You can not wear anything that resembles a weapon to schoool, you can not bring any toy that has a weapon or looks like a weapon to school, I wonder if he mentioned guns or slingshots at school if I would get a call home.
His 100day project(idea thought of with his Grandma) was 100 handcuffs safty pinned to his Dad's old Police work hat. To make handcuffs he put 2 key chain rings together. Looked pretty cool, but I did worry if he would get in trouble.(He didnt thank goodness)
He did take in a helicopter early in the school year, a helicopter. A transformer helicopter but we made sure the guns were off and it was in the helicopter mode not the robot or alien mode. It did have a trigger...I didnt think of this. When the trigger was pulled it made the blades on the helicopter go around. He DID get in trouble for this.
So how do you crush the dreams of a young boy, I just let him be. Look at what he brings into school, dont buy him superhero shirts unless they have NO WEAPONS on them and when we are at home, if he wants to play with the guns, or pretend to be a cop or robber...then I just let him be.
But do you remember the days of BIG DOG shirts or The 'Johnson' shirts...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines Day 2012, girlfriends and babies...
So as my friends are getting roses, flowers, cards, gifts what have you, I am running around making sure my kids have their cards, gifts etc ready for their parties tomorrow. I am alos planning a nice dinner for the 12 hours that my husband will be home. Yes 12 hours, not 13 or 11 but 12 hours till the 24th...
So we woke up this morning, and the kids had a happy surprise of valentines, stickers and the cutest monkey I had ever seen. I had planned on getting up early to make heart shaped pancakes, but last night I had complany that wouldnt sleep in my bed.
I woke up at 12midnight to a child crying, then saying her leg hurt, most likely because she sleeps like a frog. So I said stretch your legs out. I feel back asleep until 2am...when she was head under the covers kicking the pillows awake. UGH! "Go to sleep now, or go back to your bed". 330am, child kicks all the covers off of me, I am freezing, she is sleeping, good. 420 am, she has moved so close to me I am almost falling off the bed, I push her over, 5am, I push her over, 630am(might as well get up, but Im exhausted) push her over. Finally 730 I pop up, frantic because we are usually up by 715 to get ready for school.
Go into Teighan's room, Im up mom, as his eyes are closed. Teighan get up your going to miss the bus, please get up! Ok mom, Im up...boy this sounds familiar(me). Meanwhile Takoda is up dressed and ready to take on the world(Hubby).
So we get up, make the bus, Success! Get her to school, Success! I had planned on volunteering today at T's school party, but wanted to catch a little nap before, but that got blasted out of the water by phone calls, and being a pregnant hungry woman.
SO at the party, one of the little girls in his class says "I like teighan", I want to call him "teigy"...ok. Then another little girl says to me, I konw where his ticklish spot is...are you Teighan's mom, wow, I want to sit by you. I like Teighan,(now these are from a few different girls, so excited). Teighan also says later in the car, "Mom I have 5 girlfriends, and C knows where my ticklish spot is...
Well where is it T(hoping its a decent answer), oh my neck mom, and its true, just like me he is super ticklish.
So we are working on our craft and one of the little girls has a new baby sister, and she brought in the picture, and I saw it and said how sweet she was. Then I said as I patted my medium size tummy, Teighan will have a new baby sister or brother soon. Oh lord, this opened a can of worms that I was not expecting...
One of the little boys said you have a baby in your belly? I say yes. Then the little girl asked me where babies come from, Oh god. The teacher has tuned out so I dont even have a back up, I say well...just as I was contemplating my words, the little boy sitting next to me says.
"well an egg grows in your belly, it just grows and grows and gets bigger"
I say 'Yep!!!"(thank goodness)
"Wait, another boy says, what about sunflower seeds? You need to eat a lot of sunflower seeds to have a baby grow in your belly"
Oh tbats good, Yes, lots of sunflower seeds.
"how does the baby come out?"
Uhhhhh....buzz, saved by the bell literaly!
Now see I am an honest person, sometimes too honest. I loved this conversation though. However with my own two, I explained it simply. Daddy and Mommy love each other and made a baby. They didnt ask any more and I didnt have to say any more. They feel baby kick, and see the pictures(sonograms) and are happy with what I have told them, but for next time, I will have to remember sunflower seeds and eggs!
So we woke up this morning, and the kids had a happy surprise of valentines, stickers and the cutest monkey I had ever seen. I had planned on getting up early to make heart shaped pancakes, but last night I had complany that wouldnt sleep in my bed.
I woke up at 12midnight to a child crying, then saying her leg hurt, most likely because she sleeps like a frog. So I said stretch your legs out. I feel back asleep until 2am...when she was head under the covers kicking the pillows awake. UGH! "Go to sleep now, or go back to your bed". 330am, child kicks all the covers off of me, I am freezing, she is sleeping, good. 420 am, she has moved so close to me I am almost falling off the bed, I push her over, 5am, I push her over, 630am(might as well get up, but Im exhausted) push her over. Finally 730 I pop up, frantic because we are usually up by 715 to get ready for school.
Go into Teighan's room, Im up mom, as his eyes are closed. Teighan get up your going to miss the bus, please get up! Ok mom, Im up...boy this sounds familiar(me). Meanwhile Takoda is up dressed and ready to take on the world(Hubby).
So we get up, make the bus, Success! Get her to school, Success! I had planned on volunteering today at T's school party, but wanted to catch a little nap before, but that got blasted out of the water by phone calls, and being a pregnant hungry woman.
SO at the party, one of the little girls in his class says "I like teighan", I want to call him "teigy"...ok. Then another little girl says to me, I konw where his ticklish spot is...are you Teighan's mom, wow, I want to sit by you. I like Teighan,(now these are from a few different girls, so excited). Teighan also says later in the car, "Mom I have 5 girlfriends, and C knows where my ticklish spot is...
Well where is it T(hoping its a decent answer), oh my neck mom, and its true, just like me he is super ticklish.
So we are working on our craft and one of the little girls has a new baby sister, and she brought in the picture, and I saw it and said how sweet she was. Then I said as I patted my medium size tummy, Teighan will have a new baby sister or brother soon. Oh lord, this opened a can of worms that I was not expecting...
One of the little boys said you have a baby in your belly? I say yes. Then the little girl asked me where babies come from, Oh god. The teacher has tuned out so I dont even have a back up, I say well...just as I was contemplating my words, the little boy sitting next to me says.
"well an egg grows in your belly, it just grows and grows and gets bigger"
I say 'Yep!!!"(thank goodness)
"Wait, another boy says, what about sunflower seeds? You need to eat a lot of sunflower seeds to have a baby grow in your belly"
Oh tbats good, Yes, lots of sunflower seeds.
"how does the baby come out?"
Uhhhhh....buzz, saved by the bell literaly!
Now see I am an honest person, sometimes too honest. I loved this conversation though. However with my own two, I explained it simply. Daddy and Mommy love each other and made a baby. They didnt ask any more and I didnt have to say any more. They feel baby kick, and see the pictures(sonograms) and are happy with what I have told them, but for next time, I will have to remember sunflower seeds and eggs!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Jane of all trades...plumbing
So I have tried my hand at a few handy-woman jobs. Since my hubby travels so much I have had to figure it out...how to weed whack the grass, paint the fence, unclog toilets, turn the water off so the toilets stop over flowing once clogged. I also managed to tile my bathroom, although not complete due to wet saw issues, but I have managed.
Last week my mom was visiting and had turned on the garbage disposal. It made a weird noise like crerereaknkkkk....I said it's. It working turn it off. So we turned it off and like so many other things I forgot about it till Saturday night when hubby was home and he turned it on and now it was just making an electrical humming noise. "why didnt you tell me about this?" oh I'm sorry hon, I completely forgot, which was true. Ok, so he got under the sink and pressed the reset button on the garbage disposal, about 10 times. Nothing happened. The water was backing up in the sink. Did I mention this is my kitchen sink?
Tuesday night 2315, hubby getting ready for bed and to leave on travel...sink has an inch of water in it, no biggie we try to fix it, he tells me don't put anything down it and it slowly drains. Today, it has 6 inches of water in it, and now the whole bottom of my dishwasher is full of smelly brown liquid...UGH!!!
So I put liquid plumber down the drain. This should work, nothing. Still each time I turn on the water the sink fills up quickly. So before dinner I see 3 inches in the sink, great. It is now 1845 Wednesday night. I have called my cousin who is a plumber hoping he would have some magic he could use over the phone, but he was busy. Call my dad he says plunge it. Duh, why didn't I think of this. So I do, ehhhh works for a few minutes. Call my bro in law, he can fix it sure. He tells me what to do, I take a picture and send it to him. Looks like cutting pipes and drains will fulfil my night. But it's 1845, I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, my kids are hungry and it's a school night. No worries, I say thank you, as he is a huge help but I'm not cutting pipe tonight, nor calling a plumber...I can do this. Me Jane. Me fix stuff.
So I leave it be, turn on the dishwasher to see if that helps, fix dinner and sit down. Only to find in the sink when I get up, lots of yuck, food, oily goop, and once again 4 inches of nasty water. So I plunge it, I plunge and plunge and plunge like I'm going to get a medal.
I do, I get the medal! The sink is draining. The dishwasher no longer has a bottom of yucky brown water and all is right with the world.
No cutting, snaking, or Spending unnecessary money tonight! When in doubt plunge the hell out of it! Although I am pretty sure I will do this again tomorrow or until it gets fixed...by a professional.
A shared Bathroom...
Why is my butt wet? Why are my feet wet? Why is the rug wet? I find myself asking these questions pretty regularly. Seat doesnt get put up for a boy=wet butt. Misses toilet alltogether=wet feet. Rug wet, well thats Koda waiting till the very last second to run to the bathroom....wait, wait MOM, Mommy...I had an accident...
Ugh Bathrooms. Why does it take men and boys so long in there? I mean who wants to sit and smell their doody after they duty is done? This isnt just the man and boy in my life, but all or lets say most men and boys I know.
Ugh Bathrooms. Why does it take men and boys so long in there? I mean who wants to sit and smell their doody after they duty is done? This isnt just the man and boy in my life, but all or lets say most men and boys I know.
Now, I peak in...just to make sure T has not fallen in, he is still breathing and not destroying the entire place and I notice him, well exploring. Do all men do this, does it start as boys? I mean maybe when you are naked, yes NAKED on the pot you have access to lots of things that are hidden when all the clothes are on. Thats what Im guessing, its like a magnifying glass...the opposite way. So I leave it alone, walk slowly back away from the door and hope that one day soon the time lessens to a reasonable tolerable limit.
I thought girls would be the ones occupying all the bathroom time, Im in, out and done with everything, shower, shave, toileting etc within 7-10min, less for the latter. My daughter in and out in less then 30 seconds, cant even slow down that much to pay attention to anything in the bathroom. She's like a constant whirlwind...from the moment she wakes to the minute she drifts she is running a race, busy like a butterfly. This I am ok with, Im sure one day she will find makeup and then this shared bathroom situation will become a real problem.
For now, I am used to(not liking it) toothpaste in the sink, on the sink, on the door, on the doorknob, on the floor...used to tripping over the stool, finding an unreasonable amount of toilet paper shoved into the toilet(at least they're wiping), and used to getting into a luke warm-cool shower after the kids are bathed, the laundry and dishwasher is run, and it is finally MOM's time to relax...
Shared Bathrooms...a wild adventure in a 4x6 room :)
I thought girls would be the ones occupying all the bathroom time, Im in, out and done with everything, shower, shave, toileting etc within 7-10min, less for the latter. My daughter in and out in less then 30 seconds, cant even slow down that much to pay attention to anything in the bathroom. She's like a constant whirlwind...from the moment she wakes to the minute she drifts she is running a race, busy like a butterfly. This I am ok with, Im sure one day she will find makeup and then this shared bathroom situation will become a real problem.
For now, I am used to(not liking it) toothpaste in the sink, on the sink, on the door, on the doorknob, on the floor...used to tripping over the stool, finding an unreasonable amount of toilet paper shoved into the toilet(at least they're wiping), and used to getting into a luke warm-cool shower after the kids are bathed, the laundry and dishwasher is run, and it is finally MOM's time to relax...
Shared Bathrooms...a wild adventure in a 4x6 room :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Why do I feel something cold...in my warm bed?
I wanted to start this at the beginning of my pregnancy but as with all things I am just getting around to it. A few of my friends have recently started blogs, or recently published them and they get me in stitches so I thought I'd try myself. Not that I really have anything interesting to say but who knows, I might make someone laugh! They say laughter is the best medicine!
My husband works crazy hours, always going, going, gone. This morning nothing different, get the kiss around 0400, fall back asleep if I even woke up. A little while later as I am trying to get comfortable with this belly, and not being able to sleep on your back, I stretched my foot into something cold and clammy...I touched it again, with my foot...wondering what the he!! is this? "mom I had a bad dream...can I sleep here". As I pondered this question, I noticed all the lights were on, my door was open, I had no covers and the dog had once again snuck onto the bed. So hmmm, sure why not, I dont sleep well anyway, whats another reason not to.
When I woke 2 hours later for school, I looked at my bed, it looked like a tornado had hit us. The tornado of Teighan. I have no idea how he does it, but I tuck him in one way, check on him before I fall asleep, and he's another way, maybe wander in during one of my many trips to the bathroom, yet another way. His sister too, they are all over the bed, like they are fighting with the covers every night.
Recently someone asked us if our kids are sleeping through the night...boy I hope so at 6 and 4 1/2. He answers quickly first, YES! "So your going to start the whole not sleeping thing all over again when this baby arrives?" ...Uhhh, did I hear him right YES, they sleep through the night, where the he!! is he? Oh yeah forgot in a lovely hotel room. Not that I dont miss him I do, but at least he can get a good nights sleep...Me on the other hand, at least 5/7 nights a week, I wake up to lights on, kids crying, dog growling, baby kicking or some other reason just to start my day at 0330. So no they dont sleep through the night consecutively, but I suppose it could be worse. At least we start each night in the right beds, and I pray Please God dont let them wake up, have a bad dream, wet the bed, or come into my room...I need some sleep!
Did I mention we own a queen? Not a king, so on any given night there is a good chance you will find a dog, 2 children, one very uncomfortable mama...Waiting for the night its just us...but that is probably what got us here in the first place. :)
My husband works crazy hours, always going, going, gone. This morning nothing different, get the kiss around 0400, fall back asleep if I even woke up. A little while later as I am trying to get comfortable with this belly, and not being able to sleep on your back, I stretched my foot into something cold and clammy...I touched it again, with my foot...wondering what the he!! is this? "mom I had a bad dream...can I sleep here". As I pondered this question, I noticed all the lights were on, my door was open, I had no covers and the dog had once again snuck onto the bed. So hmmm, sure why not, I dont sleep well anyway, whats another reason not to.
When I woke 2 hours later for school, I looked at my bed, it looked like a tornado had hit us. The tornado of Teighan. I have no idea how he does it, but I tuck him in one way, check on him before I fall asleep, and he's another way, maybe wander in during one of my many trips to the bathroom, yet another way. His sister too, they are all over the bed, like they are fighting with the covers every night.
Recently someone asked us if our kids are sleeping through the night...boy I hope so at 6 and 4 1/2. He answers quickly first, YES! "So your going to start the whole not sleeping thing all over again when this baby arrives?" ...Uhhh, did I hear him right YES, they sleep through the night, where the he!! is he? Oh yeah forgot in a lovely hotel room. Not that I dont miss him I do, but at least he can get a good nights sleep...Me on the other hand, at least 5/7 nights a week, I wake up to lights on, kids crying, dog growling, baby kicking or some other reason just to start my day at 0330. So no they dont sleep through the night consecutively, but I suppose it could be worse. At least we start each night in the right beds, and I pray Please God dont let them wake up, have a bad dream, wet the bed, or come into my room...I need some sleep!
Did I mention we own a queen? Not a king, so on any given night there is a good chance you will find a dog, 2 children, one very uncomfortable mama...Waiting for the night its just us...but that is probably what got us here in the first place. :)
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