My mom, is going through a lot with my dads cancer and chemo treatments. She is a different person. A very stressed, angry, sad person. I'm letting go. I can't fix her. I can't help her, logistically or physically, emotionally or whatever. I try, but I'm letting go. It isn't healthy. But I still love her.
I'm letting go of worrying about my dad. He will get through or he wont. I cant fix it. So I let go. I let go of him being grumpy, getting agitated with me when I ask him something simple. I let go because I know he still loves me no matter how grumpy he is. I let go because I know he loves my kids more then anything in the world. I hold on to his love. I hold on to the fact in my whole 33 years I have heard him curse maybe a handful of times. I hold on to the man, my dad, my daddy. The man that has kept our family afloat and will keep floating on right up till the end(which may be tomorrow or 20+ years from now). I let go.
I let go of
The past 2 days have been awesome! I've let go of my idiosyncrasies. Of the silly little things that bother me. Each time I felt like I was going to blow, or get upset or angry I took a deep breath and just let it go. It really wasn't that bad and I felt AWESOME afterwards, even if the kids were upset.
They expect me to explode, get upset but I will not. It doesn't fix anything and it doesn't work.
Wednesday. Got up reminded Teighan it was Wednesday. He said I know mom, it's a karate day. We walked to the bus, I asked him what day it was he said again, I know mom it's a karate day. Koda loves karate, actually she loves anything. She never complains, except for dance. She didn't like dance at all. Anyway, the day went well, made an awesome dinner I found on pinterest, did some laundry talked to my cuz...it was a good day. Then the bus came home. I was a little worried cause every day Teighan gets off the bus he wants to play with his friends.
I get it. I totally understand. I want to play with my friends too. Where are they...let's go play. I'm letting go.
So he gets off the bus talked to his friend P and followed me, no whining, no problem just came got home finished his lunch and off we went. It was awesome. I let go. I stepped back. I loosened the rope and gave in to him. Allowing him to be more responsible and guess what it's working!
Today worked equally as well. A little whine cause we didn't have ice cream, or sorbet after dinner(cause I didn't have enough for 2) but really well. And I'm happier, and they're happier.
I let go of yelling and screaming. I let go of expecting my 6 year old knowing exactly how to act at any given moment. I became more aware of my 5 year olds innocence. I let go of caring if they got muddy, or tracked mud thought the freshly washed floors. I let go of worrying about them reading Harry Potter cause a little friend can read Harry Potter. I let them jump in the puddles, and kiss their brother. I let them play with worms, and let go of germs. Its not going to kill them. Really. Its not!
I let go and it feels wonderful! You should try it!
Letting go of something you think you should be holding on to really tight. I want to hold on to their innocence, on to them being kids, children. Being loud and messy. Fearless and curious. Wild, energetic(like the bunny) adventurous. Imaginative and playful. Sometimes embarrassing. Ravenous(when you have boys). Tired. Sincere, sweet and loving endlessly and unconditionally.
Let go of all the rules. Let go of the norms; of the expected.
DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING TO RUN SMOOTHLY EVER. BETTER YET HAVE NONE, NO
EXPECTATIONS. JUST LET GO!
It didn't let go of my love. I actually became more aware of it. I embraced it and my kids.
I will not let go of this. Of love and loving them, and demanding love back. But everything else, it's ok.
They will all read, and write and do advanced algebra one day, but not today and that is ok.
Let go.
They are having fun, that's what most important, enjoy your fun!
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