At least this is the way I feel. Numerous times I have mentioned that I wish I could come and 'play'. Have a girls night, or just be invited. Just being invited would make me feel so special. Maybe its time to move on. We all clearly have nothing in common anymore. I am married with children, and a husband who is never home. My idea of fun is now, quiet time without kids running around, but I long for adult interaction.
I. am. lonely.
There. I said it. I'm going to publish it too. I miss SABB preschool because no matter how tired I was, I looked forward to seeing my 'friends'. Really my children's friends parents that for a few minutes I got to be an adult and have adult conversation about something other then, whats for dinner, or can we play, or watch TV, or mommy, mommy...
I joined the 90 day fitness challenge at the gym. It is not helping. I feel guilty if I don't make it 3 days a week, due to life. I suppose this shows because I am still lonely. I have not really made a connection. I have met and talked with a few people, but I don't think they really want to hear that I am lonely. Or that my husband is away, cause I know, we all have our own baggage, don't want to hear about someone elses problems.
I long for friends, for someone to talk to, to call me and ask me to go for
My phone never rings. When it does it is a handful of people or less. Usually it is my mom. But with my dad undergoing chemo, she doesn't call that much. We have great conversations through text, but not actually voice communication. So It could be my mom, Sean, or Katie. Sometime S(CIL), or rarely S(SIL) and even more infrequent my MIL.
I don't really know why we have a land line. I suppose in case of those locked in the kids room emergencies, but then it would be good to actually have a phone in their room.
I live through facebook(I know its sad). I am happy that I have a lot of friends, acquaintances on fb. We are friends through a computer. Never having to look at each other or talk with each other. It keeps me sane. I look forward to seeing what people are up to, it makes me happy to see everyone else having such a wonderful time. It does make me sad when I see all my friends gathered at one place having fun and I wasn't even invited...but I move on. Mention again, I would have come out to that new chic flick if you said you all were going...
Should I invite myself...thats just too desperate...
I actually would use the term friends rather loosely. Not saying I don't think of all of them as friends, but I'm not sure they think of me the same way anymore.
Today in the ladies locker room a woman was talking about 2 women who were talking about her friend. She told them(in her story) to stop talking about her that way, she is my friend and that is mean. I don't know that I have ever said that when in the middle of friends talking about another friend. I don't even know if someone would do that for me. I suppose I don't speak my mind ever. I am always so worried about hurting some one's feelings. Mine are at the expense of others. I get hurt. I cry. I stay at home and wish the phone would ring.
I am the woman standing alone wishing someone would invite her along. It took me almost 3 years to cultivate a friendship with a woman whom I dearly love now, at preschool. Is it fear? Fear of being rejected at an older age, cause HS sucked! SUCKED!!! College wasn't too much better, I am grateful for my friends who helped me get through.
There are a few of you I hold very close to my heart...but I'm sure you don't even know. J-you probably wont read this, but it was because of you I got through a lot of tough times in college. L-you are still my freaky tiki even though we never talk or see each other. I have had some of the best times with you, with all of you guys. K-My bestest. Even though you have a handful or 5 handful's of friends and make new ones everywhere you go, I love you. I am so happy we can just totally be truly ourselves with each other. I love how you can tell me exactly how you feel and vice versa, and when its all over we are still friends. Not mad or hurt, just friends, AK couldn't be further. S-you are my oldest. We have been through the most bumpy of roads together and I miss you. Wish I could be more honest with you but I'm afraid of history repeating itself.
I dunno. I have asked this before, if there was something wrong with me, would you tell me? I know I yell at my kids, and probably have in public. It happens, get over it. I know most of the time I am dressed very casual, never matching. I don't have a job other then keep these kids happy, so I don't need to dress to impress...I usually shower so I don't stink, and I always brush my teeth. But would you really tell me, tell me why? Is it cause I'm lonely, and alone? I would get a sitter, I have one now, and we could go out, and I could listen. Is it cause I'm a mom and you are not? Is it cause I will want to do it again next week, or make a weekly or monthly date? Is it cause he is always on the road? Your hubby is home so you have daily adult interaction. Gotta have girlfriends for when the going gets tough! I don't have a sister, or any family so friends are what I need to count on. What we all need!
SO what gives? I was asked by an old sorority sister of mine if I wanted to host a 31 party. Actually I do. I actually want to host a 'slumber party' since I have never been to one of 'those' parties and was always curious...but who would I invite? Would anyone even come?
You know what I am scared of the most. Is history repeating itself. My mom, love her, but she has no friends. She never seemed to have friends when I was little(at least thats what I saw) and now that I am older I know she doesn't have many friends. She says she is fine, and maybe she is but I am not. I do not want to be like her and I dont want my daughter to be like me. I didnt have many girlfriends ever and I want her to have an abundance of friends, I want her to have to tell people no I cant come to your party cause I have 6 others to go to, instead of longing for that one invitation.
Life gets us too busy. We forget in the hustle and bustle. I wish I could forget, but I wait, hoping that the phone will ring tonight.
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