Transition...

So I thought that the transition from being pregnant to having a newborn would be much easier then this.  However I forgot that I have 2 older children that need me a lot and have lots of activities.
I call this transition, the point where I go from being a mom to a 6 and 5 year old to being a mom to a newborn, then a mom to a 5 and 6 year old.  I put it this way because my priority right now has to be Tate, then Koda then Teighan.  Although T is my most sensitive child, I think this new baby has hit K much harder then T.  My priority the past few months has been T, with helping with school and reading, but now he is truckin on, all by himself so he is ok.  Still needs me to look over his reading sometimes he misses words or doesnt read them right, but for the most part he is ok.
K needs me right now, which is really hard because T3 takes a lot of my time.  K is very mopy and sad.  If I cry(because I am stressed or because Tate hasnt been eating well...another blog) she cries hysterically and I cant get her to settle.  The first night I read them stories after T3 was born, I cried and then they cried.  It was a crying fest.  It is much harder then I thought.  Since Sean has been travelling since K was 6mo old, its basically always been me solo, and them.  We had our routine, everynight same thing, baths, stories, bed.  Now Im lucky if I get upstairs for bath and bed(myself).
T3 is doing well, not really gaining weight and not nursing well(even though there is plenty of milk) so this has been an issue for me.  I am now supplementing pumped milk, but I am nursing, pumping, feeding, nursing, pumping, feeding......
Thank goodness Sean is still home to help out I dont know what will happen on Monday when he goes back to work, then on the 24 is his first trip, 6 days...Everyone says I will fall right back into my routine, and I probably will, I am just nervous.
I am the type of mom(unfortuantely) that beats herself up if she doesnt do the best for her kids all the time.  If I dont spend enough time with each of them, or read to them, or help with homework, or make lunch...I will have a heartattack, from focusing so much on them(or others) then myself.  I need to allow myself to slip, and fall sometimes.
I am lucky to have a great pediatrician who reminds me of this.  Who reminded me that if TnT watch a little too much TV, or eat a little unhealthy, or go to bed without a bath they will live.  I gave them 100% attention the first year although K had to share with T and now both TnT have to share with T3...and I have to learn how to divide my time, and still have my sanity.
So transition has been much harder then I thought, when people ask me if Im happy not to be pregnant anymore, I answer NO.  I enjoyed being pregnant, if I didnt have csections, I would have more...who knows, maybe there will be a T4 :) 
Being pregnant I still could do my routine, now I just have to figure out a new one, maybe K gets to school really early, or a few minutes late, its only a few more weeks.  Maybe T has to become more self relient and walk to and from the bus stop by himself some mornings.  Maybe T3 has to wait a little longer to nurse or earlier...I dunno.
All I do know is I am blessed to have 3 healthy children, lucky to have a wonderful, loving, helpful husband, and its ok if my house is messy, and my hair not perfect as long as we are all happy!
Now to get in some me time...0;)